What Happens On A Girls Night Out?

A girls’ night out, you’ve got to love them! It’s a sacred ritual that is beneficial to both the mind and body.

Every night is slightly different, but you all know that the following things can and will occur each ladies’ night, without fail. So I am going to run you through a list of what happens on a girls night out…

THE STRUGGLE TO ASSEMBLE THE GANG

You all lead different lives, work and childcare can get in the way, but you’ll cross countries and continents to get together for that all important night on the town together. Organising the date will be tricky and you’ll go through a thousand messages, but you and the girls will get there in the end.

YOU TAKE AT LEAST 3 HOURS TO GET READY

Once the night is decided, you’ve been planning outfits for weeks, ordering a load of new clothes .. but you still have no idea what to wear. Of course, you”ll take at least half a day to get ready, because we all know it’s one of the best parts of the night.

ONE THOUSAND SELFIES

Before you leave the house (Pres), two hundred pictures have already been taken… and most of them are identical to each other. The perfect group photo on a girls’ night is a must!

TOO MANY PRE-DRINKS

We all know pre-drinks is usually more fun that the actual night out, which usually results in you drinking far too much. You’ll definitely play Never Have I Ever, Ring of Fire and have rambling conversations about the last hilarious time you got drunk together.

BELTING OUT YOUR FAVOURITE TUNES

In your heads, you are all Beyoncé. To the neighbours, there’s a very high possibility that a whole bunch of cats are being strangled next door.

NO ONE IS EVER READY FOR THE TAXI

Quick! The taxi man is getting angry! As you are downing your drink, trying to put your heels back on, making sure you have everything and hurrying for the toilet quickly.

THERE’S ALWAYS ONE THAT CAN’T HANDLE HER DRINK

Time to put on the ‘act sober’ routine for the bouncers.

SYNCHRONISED DANCING

Dancing solidly for about three hours on a girls’ night out. Sure it’s practically like going to the gym?

CREEPY MEN EVERYWHERE

Just hovering. Not really dancing, not saying anything, but occasionally trying to touch people inappropriately.

SHOTS!

Always seem like the best idea you’ve ever had. The you of tomorrow can deal with the consequences.

GROUP BATHROOM TRIPS

You couldn’t possibly brave the bathroom alone?! Of course you and the squad will go the toilet together and hold each others hair whilst puking unattractively and doing each others bodysuits up .. then taking a load of selfies in the bathroom mirror straight after.

DRUNKENLY REAPPLYING MAKEUP

Just a little touch up can easily end in tragedy.

MAKING FRIENDS WITH OTHER GIRLS IN THE TOILETS

You’re sure to unite with other girl gangs in the loos and compliment them all on their appearance.

SOMEONE WILL CRY

It’s just bound to happen. We don’t know why and no one can really remember, but it always happens.

DRUNK TEXTING SOMEONE’S EX

Always seems like a great idea … never is.

SOMEONE WILL TRY AND FIGHT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE

There is always one that causes a scene and the squad have their back.

A GREASY TAKEAWAY AT 3AM

Carbs are your friend. Everyone loves a good greasy kebab at the end of the night.

DOWNING A GLASS OF WATER

You’ll always desperately try and counter act the inevitable hangover with pints of H20.

THE HANGOVER FROM HELL

You wake up with a seriously dry mouth. You can barely swallow, but the prospect of getting out of bed for water is daunting. You’ll then start asking google if you can die from a hangover.

GROUP MESSAGE DEBRIEF THE NEXT DAY

The group chat will constantly go off and you sit there like .. Did I really do that? That terrifying ping of your phone and the utter dread flood of photos being sent .. finding out what you looked like/ what you did.

I hope you have enjoyed my list of everything that always happens on a girls’ night out.

Peace,Love and Gin Xo

How To Fall In Love With Yourself

It’s hard work trying to fall in love with yourself when all your life you’ve had people continually tell you and make you feel as if you just weren’t good enough.

With all the men in my history and let’s face it, there’s been a few, there’s been something. Something wasn’t quite right. Friends were the same. I’m always surrounded by people and now, I’m adored by those I know but it hasn’t always been that way. Every man I’ve been with has shaped me in one way or another. Two glasses of wine and I’m smashed. Three glasses of wine and the whole night escapes my memory. When did I turn into that girl?

I can’t keep falling in love with inappropriate men and making bad decisions.

Anyway, back to the topic, you should write a list of all the things you already love about yourself. All those things you actually don’t mind or wouldn’t want to change. How hard can this be? So I wrote a list…

What I love about myself…

I’M A HARD WORKER.

If I need to stay awake all night and get something done, I’ll stay awake all night. I’m always late with stuff but when it comes to my work, whatever it is at the time, I put my heart and soul into it. I’ve always worked every hour the day would allow and I still do now. For years I’ve had both a full-time job, for two years I have had a full time job during the week and a part time job at weekends working behind the bar in Club Icon in a night club. I have also started blogging, I have always loved writing and with my life … I could write a book. However I’m permanently glued to either my phone, my laptop or my next adventure, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love my life. I love my jobs. I love what I do. I’ve worked hard to stick two fingers up to people and tell them I DID IT ON MY OWN! I have no choice but to make it work. I WANT to make it work.

I’M ALL FOR EQUALITY.

I like to think of myself as an equal to everyone else. Of course, I judge people and think I’m ‘better’ than some people but that’s because I’m a human being and I live in the current day and age. Everyone’s judgemental from time to time. I’ve accepted that it’s just a part of human nature. But I’m an equal more than anything else. I don’t think one person doesn’t deserve any less assistance or aid just because of where they’re from, who they are, what colour their skin is, what God they believe in, or anything. I don’t think anyone deserves something better than me or vice versa. We are all the same. Gay people should have as many rights as straight people. Men should live as women if they want to, and vice versa. I just want a world filled with love. Hate hurts my heart.

I’m also for equality in relationships and friendships. He should pay on the first date because that’s just the right (/ gentlemanly / romantic / chivalrous / old-fashioned / expected) thing to do but after that, I’ll happily pay my way. I’ll buy dinner. I’ll even buy him roses if he wants. I’ll do everything for him that I would expect him to do for me. I expect that from my relationships and my friendships. I wouldn’t ask someone to do something for me that I wouldn’t do for them, friend, lover, partner or otherwise.

I’M OPEN-MINDED.

I mean that in every sense of the word. I’m open-minded in life, love, sex, you name it. I’ll happily try everything once. If I don’t like it, I just don’t do it again. Or maybe I’ll do it a second time around just to make sure but then after that, I definitely won’t do it again. I like to think that being as open-minded as I am makes me a better person because I can see different sides of different stories. I’m known to be flaky – I often change my mind on something but normally put it down to just being ‘a women’s prerogative’. In reality I think it’s because my mind is open to seeing a different side. I’m not afraid to admit when I’ve made a mistake and need to change my mind / opinion. I’m not afraid to admit when I’m in the wrong.

I’M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT WHEN I’VE MADE A MISTAKE.

I’m making this a point on its own. If I’m in the wrong about something, I just need a little while to calm down and realised I’ve fucked up. I will always come back and apologise with my tail in between my legs if it’s called for. Like the time I got drunk and hurled abuse at Bestie. The first thing I did in my hungover state was apologise profusely for being a complete and utter cunt. I’m an asshole when I drink. I really, really am.

I’M BRUTALLY HONEST.

If you’re pissing me off, you’ll know about it. If I’m upset about something, you’ll know about it. I’m brutally honest and sometimes I wish I wasn’t but again, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to love that side of myself. And I’m starting to give less of a shit about offending people if they’ve upset me first. I can be two-faced but normally it’s by accident. Most of the time, whatever I’m thinking just comes right out of my mouth and the more I think about how to say something, the more it’s likely to just come out in one wild outburst. And wrong.

That’s how I think it should be when you first say ‘I love you’ to someone for the first time and that’s something I’ve realised too as I’ve gotten older. You should say it when it’s the only thing you can think about saying. When it feels like it might burst from your mouth at any moment and you’re unable to hold it in any longer. When it’s everything to you right there in that moment. That’s how I think when I love someone. When not saying those words becomes more impossible than saying them. You know? Maybe secretly I’m really romantic too?

I KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE…

Now. And I know how to get it. Sometimes putting that into practice takes some work but I’m getting there. I want to be happy. I don’t want to be super rich or super famous. I don’t want to be the world’s best anything, blogger, writer, business-bitch… Anything. (Although it would be nice.) I just want to be me. I want to be me around someone who loves me for me, the good stuff and the bad. I want to find that special someone, keep doing my writing thing, work too hard sometimes and fight too much, and live happily ever after with kids, a dog, a cat and a family car in tow. Everything in between, where I live, what he looks like, what kind of clothes I wear, none of that matters to me. Not at all. And that’s something I’ve learned over the years. I’m not a superficial girlie and all that superficial shit means nothin’ to me.

I’m patient. I’m loyal… Usually. I’m friendly and I’ll talk to anyone. I’m independent. I’m funny… If you get my sense of humour. I’m short and good things come in short packages.

So…. I guess there are a few things I do love about myself. It’s not all bad. What do you love about yourself? When was the last time you gave yourself a break? Try it. It’s good for your soul… Apparently. I feel better anyway. In fact, I feel pretty good. It’s YOUR turn…

Ciao for now!

xo

What’s the big deal with porn?

What’s the big deal with porn? My (female) friend was telling me that she’d found all this ‘weird’ porn on her boyfriend’s phone, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Firstly, who gets that upset about porn?

Secondly, when did porn become such a bad thing?

Thirdly, what the hell does ‘weird’ porn mean? I know what’s weird to me, but I wouldn’t imagine we (my relatively clean-cut female friend and I) have the same boundaries when it comes to porn … and sex for that matter.

Right okay, so it’s not weird porn that’s the problem here. It’s the fact that he’s actually watching porn. I didn’t realise women still got upset about that kind of thing … Isn’t porn so mainstream nowadays?

I gave it some thought, but that just opened up more questions than answers. I love porn. Just like most people I have my own personal preferences, and I wouldn’t exactly say I hide that kind of information from anyone. I’m not ashamed to watch porn.

I also think watching porn with your partner helps your sex life in the bedroom. Does that make me weird then? If I were to find porn on my partner’s phone, I wouldn’t get upset. I’d have a look through it and see what kind of thing he liked to watch, what gets him off in those moments where he thinks no one can find out.  I find it quite hot. 

Porn does have it’s negatives, I understand that. It gives people unrealistic ideas of what sex is like,  what the body is really like, blah blah blah. But it can be a good thing too, can’t it? I like to think I’ve learned a few tricks over the years from watching porn, and I’ve definitely tried new things on my own body because of something I saw in a blue movie once. I’m not embarrassed about it, it’s completely normal. People can judge, but I can guarantee their history has some porn in it.

So here’s the advice I *wish* I’d given to my friend but didn’t because I’m diplomatic and supportive and just listened and mmhmmm’d in the appropriate places instead:

Girl, get over yourself. He’s a guy, he has hormones, sometimes he wants to have a wank. It has no bearing on you, or how much he wants you. He can have a wank in the morning and still want to bed you that afternoon or night, or even ten minutes later. He can jerk off to other women on a TV screen and not be cheating on you. He can think about having sex with those women while he’s pumping his hand up and down because he’s not touching them. He’s jerking off, that’s it. What would you rather he did? Fucked someone else? I know you want to be the ONLY thing he’s thinking about while he’s yanking his chain, but come on.

I want Jared Leto as the Joker to come in one night, tie me to the bed and do unspeakable things to me, but it’s not cheating on your other half. It’s definitely not grounds for tears.

I believe that you need to pick your battles in life. Porn is not a battle you should fight, because it’s not one you will ever win. If you ban him from watching porn, he’ll watch it behind your back. He’ll find a way to watch it, even if it means deleting his history in future. He’ll just be more careful. He’ll take extra measures to make sure you don’t find out and at that point, he’s actually being deceitful and lying to you. That’s opening up a brand new can of worms.

Each to their own, I get that, but you can’t stop a man watching porn. Why would you even want to? It’s really not that big a deal.

A Survivor? Me?

My friend said something to me the other day that made me take a step back. She called me a “survivor”. I apparently “survived” domestic abuse. Did I? Am I a survivor?

I agree that I was in a violent relationship. It was violent, abusive and very soul-destroying, or so I thought. Was my relationship as bad as those women say on the Jeremy Kyle Show, or those horrifying stories that you read in crappy women’s mags? Was my relationship really that bad?

I told my friend that I didn’t think I was a survivor. Not in the way that she made it sound. She looked at me like I was insane. She told me to remember all the things that he’d done to me and then tell myself I wasn’t a survivor.

Let’s take a good hard look at what he did to me and then make the decision of whether I am a survivor. Maybe it’ll do some good and show someone else that they don’t deserve to be in the abusive relationship that they are in. If I can help just one woman believe that she deserves better I’ve done a good job.

I remember one night he pulled me by the hair whilst we were walking home and ripped out my hair extensions and pushed me to the floor because I wanted him to buy me a burger in the kebab shop. He snatched my phone out my hand so I couldn’t call my flat mate at the time. It had been a particularly heavy night out. He scraped the skin from my knees and they were bleeding pretty bad. This was the night I threw my fav red pair of high heels in the river…. in fact it wasn’t me it was my ex… The cock. You just don’t fuck with a girl’s shoes. I walked home bare footed, cutting my feet on glass.

He punched me in the nose once. I fell back off the bed and hit my back and head onto the cube where the TV was. It was the only time he’d ever actually swing for me. I ran into my flat mates bedroom bawling my eyes out with blood coming out of my nose. The only time I had to go to MIU, I thought he broke it.. The punch made me bite through my own bottom lip.

This one night he told me to have a shower and relax and he will do dinner. for us both. I got out the shower and he had done dinner just for himself, in my flat (before he moved in) with my food, my cutlery! So you know what I did? I took the plate from his hands and threw it at the wall (my plate and my food) He then decided to smash my elephants and push me over the coffee table. Resulting in me having bruises up my back.

One night I remember thinking he might actually kill me. I’d been out with the girls and had high heels on, I later think may have saved my life. I was drunk and giggly, he was in a furious bad mood. I can’t remember what happened or how, I just remember being pinned to the bed with his hands around my throat. I remember panicking, things starting to go fuzzy around the edges. I couldn’t focus on him and I couldn’t work out if it was because I was drunk, or if it because he was actually going to kill me. I tried to use my hands and arms to loosen his grip, slapping him in the face but it got tighter… Trying to shut me up. I kicked out my leg and somehow managed to catch the heel in the flesh of his thigh. We didn’t have a big fight like that again. It was just pushing and shoving and an odd slap across the face from then.

I remember November 2018 after we became official … I found text messages he sent to both his ex’s, telling them he missed them and stuff. I cried, shouted and screamed at him. This was the guy I moved into my flat with me and my best mate, He was sleeping rough at the gym at weekends because he didn’t want to be home, I brought him new clothes, I fed him and moved him in within a month of being with him. I pushed him and he pushed him, he pushed me into our chest of drawers, I slapped him that night. I had to do whatever I could to try and get his hands off me. He didn’t have a mark on him yet that night landed me with bruises up my back. I was hurt emotionally and physically.

That was the night I think I think I found out about his past. He told me he was going to jump in the river, he walked out the flat sending me suicidal messages .. I told my flat mate I needed to find him, we drove everywhere looking for him.. Turned out he went back to the flat and made himself a bath.. This is abuse, guilt tripping me into thinking something bad was going to happen?!

He said some truly awful shit to me too. He told me my figure repulsed him. He told me I was bad in bed. I am a horrible person. He wanted a skinnier, prettier wife. He hurt me because he could. He use to always bring me down, so i started bringing him down to see how he liked it.. Yet it was always my fault never his. Things went back to normal for a few months. Normal?! What is normal? We started fighting again and the pushing and shoving started.

As I write these things down, it’s almost as though they didn’t happen to me. It feels like I am writing a story about another girl in another lifetime. Technically, it’s true – that was a totally different girl in a completely different lifetime. It’s like a smack in the face (excuse the pun) when I see all the things he did to me written down in black and white. Did I think that he would kill me? Yes. Yes I did. We were a recipe for disaster.

 I thought it wouldn’t get easy. But I can assure you it does! He forced me into moving out my own home, (which was a joint tenancy) I bought everything for the flat.. his mum thrown my stuff into the spare room… this made me realise my worth. I escaped a very manipulative man, someone who I thought loved me. But it wasn’t love at all. This has shaped me into a stronger woman and I’m thankful for you ending it. Social media and things that are happening behind closed doors and two different things. Yes I looked happy and so did he …

This part isn’t easy, In March 2019 his mum made me abort my own baby because my ex “wasn’t ready” she pressured me into getting rid of a mini me. To this day I have not got over it and I never will. August 2019 my ex physically abused me to the point where the police were called and he was arrested and spent the night in a cell.. his mum manipulated me and guilt tripped me into dropping the charges because it would fuck up his career.

Seeing all this and reading it back to myself, I realise that technically, I was a survivor of domestic abuse. And it wasn’t all physical either – it was mental too. Complete mental torture on both parts I guess.

I feel sorry for my family, my mum went through hell and I never realised. She had sleepless nights, long and tearful conversations with my family to figure out how to get me to leave, and in the end she gave up and refused to listen to me anymore in a bid to shock me. The fact I was set to marry him .. what a fucking joke.

In conclusion, I think everyone involved in this horrid situation was a survivor. And yes, after this long and complicated debate with myself, I realise that I am too a survivor. I don’t hate my ex, I don’t hate you. That’s the first thing I want to say to you. As I look at my TimeHop and I’m reminded of the short time we had together. I realise I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you at all. I want to but I just don’t. Because I have matured. I don’t hate you because hate takes up so much energy and you’re not really worth that. I barely even think about you and when I do, I don’t really feel much. I laugh when I remember the good times, I feel a small stab of sentimental sadness when I remember the bad, but that’s about it.

I just hope you can sleep with yourself at night, knowing what you did to me. Knowing what you did to someones property (keeping this out my blog for reasons) I also hope, one day, Karma comes around and bites you on the ass like you deserve. I don’t need to exact my revenge on you. You’re not worthy of anything I could deliver best served cold. Everything you did will catch up with you and you won’t be able to charm or fuck your way out of it.

I’m not letting anyone dampen my sparkle. I know my worth, it’s taking time, but I’m getting there. If you’re struggling out there just remember that feeling is temporary, focus on what you do have, love those around you and most importantly LOVE YOURSELF.

I AM A SURVIVOR! Whoever is reading this SO ARE YOU!

What I’ve Learnt Being Single & Dating

I’ve changed so much over the last 6 months or however long it’s been since I became single, and the stuff I’ve learnt about not only myself but relationships and life and everything that comes with it has been very much welcomed into my brain that had become a place that thought it was normal to not receive a text for 5 days from my own boyfriend.

I decided to put together a list of what I’ve learnt, and I hope it serves you well, whether you’re in a committed relationship, or you’re in a committed relationship with a bottle of Echo Falls (me).

1) Reliability is Good – When you’re in a toxic, one sided relationship, it’s so draining that you almost try and make yourself think it’s ‘fun’ and ‘exciting’ and it’s a ‘chase’. It’s your way of dealing with it and managing to get through. Throughout the last few months, I have come to realise what’s actually fun and exciting is reliability. Knowing someone likes you and wants to see you, and will tell you that, is so much better and more satisfying than some little prick who only WhatsApps you when he wants something, and yes, that can include someone you’re in a relationship with. Not knowing where you stand with someone isn’t stimulating, but reliability is.

2) It Really Does Happen For a Reason – In the midst of my breakup, I really did think my life was over. I was literally devastated, and could not physically foresee a time where I’d ever feel real happiness again. Little did I know, that breakup would be the best thing that would ever happen to me. It’s taught me to try and look past awful times and situations, because you don’t know the positive things they can actually bring.

3) Game Playing Is Not For Me – I finally got thrown back into the world of dating after being engaged, and all this has taught me is that I really cannot be fucked with game playing. I’m (unfortunately) not a teenager who has years of mistakes to make and time to waste with men who think it’s absolute lols to post pictures of them draped over girls in nightclubs, not text me for 4 working days and have their phone glued to them no matter where they go for fear I might see they’re messaging 280 other females from the general Somerset area. Not texting back for an entire day just to play ‘hard to get’ when you’re a man in his late twenties/early thirties is not something on my agenda anymore huns; they are probably the same men that think periods are disgusting and that ‘natural women’ are best but they still expect flawless skin, long hair and lashes, a perfect tan, big lips, boobs and bum and a tiny waist. Off you fuck Steve.

4) Don’t Take Shit – It’s best to nip any shit in the bud immediately; if it’s really bad then get rid, if it’s rectifiable then a firm warning and one more strike and you’re out rule should do the trick. When you’re single for a while, you get comfortable with yourself and basically make an internal decision that you’re fine by yourself and anyone who’s gonna change that can’t bring any unnecessary stress to your life.

5) Be 100% Yourself – I have changed myself so many times for men. Dressed to please them, worn less makeup, read books I don’t like, watched films I hate, listened to music that I despise, all to impress them, fit into their mould and make them want me. I did it with my exes, and I won’t do it again, because if a relationship is based on false pretences it will never work anyway.  I love music many would describe as ‘shit’, watch cringey films, slather myself in layers of fake tan, swear quite a lot, drink prosecco like there’s about to be a world shortage, and have a blog I document my life on. If Daniel, 23 from Burnham doesn’t like that then it’s his loss because when I stop eating shit, drinking so much, work out and calm down a bit when I drink I’m gonna be an absolute CATCH.

6) If You’re Not Feeling It, Don’t Go There – I’ve gone on dates with people and been speaking to people who are seemingly ‘perfect’ for me, except I am just not feeling it. Everyone around me has been like ‘Oh just go on another date with him!’ or ‘He seems really nice, just see him again and you’ll end up liking him’. What I’ve realised is I literally don’t have to see anyone I don’t want to see, I don’t owe anyone anything, and if it’s not there for me then it’s just not there, which brings me onto my next point…

7) When You Know, You Know – I used to think my feelings of discomfort, or not being sure about somebody, and thinking hopefully they’d start treating me better/change their behaviour were normal and that I’d be 100% sure about them soon. I have learnt over the last few months that you know when someone is right for you and you know if they’re meant to be in your life or not. People ask ‘But how do you know if someone is right for you?’, but you honestly do just know. They slot into your life easily, make you feel comfortable and happy, and you’re content and not stressed from dealing with someones shit all the time.

8) You Deserve More – I think when we’ve gone through months or even years of being treated like shit,we become accustomed to it, we think it’s what we deserve and that it’s normal. We go out looking for people who will continue to treat us like that, to reaffirm our own warped view that we aren’t worthy of normal love. I’ve learnt over the course of the end of last year and the start of this year, that I do deserve someone who doesn’t treat me like a twat, spends time with me, priorities me amongst other things in their life, isn’t wasting my time and genuinely cares about me. I literally reached a point where I was like ‘Nope, no more, if I get together with one more time wasting prick I will move to Kathmandu and take up cross stitching cos I can’t deal with this shit anymore’, and I’ve vowed to keep that promise to myself no matter what.

9) You Don’t Actually Need Anyone – I have realised I really, really don’t need anyone romantically involved in my life unless they benefit it rather than add stress and negativity. If they make me happy and add good things to my life then great, but if not then…bye felicia.

10) Valuing the Experiences – I have gotten to a place where I am glad of all the shit in the past. I’m happy I was cheated on, treated like shit, been called every name under the sun, been dumped – I never thought I would, but it’s made me  away more resilient person, taught me exactly what I don’t want in my life and the kind of people I don’t want, and also given me a much higher sense of self worth. I am so glad it all happened, as it makes you appreciate meeting someone who wouldn’t dream of treating you like that, and it makes you value being out of those truly horrible situations.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post, no matter what your current situation.

Know Your Worth

I wouldn’t classify myself as a hardcore Drake fan but If #DrakeTaughtMe anything, it was something I believed in long before he made it a hot line in a hot song. “Know Yourself, Know Your Worth

In today’s world, many people are having trouble discovering themselves. They are lost and trying to find someone or something to save them from pain, suffering and sorrow. In order for someone to discover self-worth, you must first look within. If you don’t take the initial step, why should you expect anyone to follow and help you?

This process can be lengthy and emotional, however, it’s mandatory if you want to see improvement in this area of your life. Being comfortable with who you are is everything, it’s your personal blueprint and foundation of self-worth. Without knowing exactly who you are, receiving and accepting love and happiness will be challenging. Settling and disappointment will be inevitable.

I have a message for you: Create YOUR own lane. Run YOUR own race. Life is not about keeping up with The Kardashians. Believe in yourself and live the happy life you want without thinking about what others will say or do. They will say regardless.

Peace, Love and Gin xo

Emotions Every Girl Experiences When She’s In An Almost Relationship

1. Confusion. Almost always sending you mixed signals. One day, you will be convinced they want a relationship with you, and the next day, you will be convinced you’re the one who cares more and you’re only fooling yourself to think you’ll become a couple. No matter how hard you try to figure out what is running through their mind, you never know exactly what the other is thinking. Just when you feel like you have them figured out, they do something that throws you completely off guard and you’re right back at square one again.

2. Excitement. You get butterflies whenever their name appears on your phone, whenever they compliment you on your outfit, whenever their skin brushes against yours on accident. There’s so much chemistry between the two of you that you’re constantly feeling electricity. You’re constantly on a high. You’re constantly feeling awake, adventurous, alive. And you never want that feeling to go away.

3. Impatience. There are some moments when you’re perfectly happy with your almost relationship because it feels like you’re on the right track. And there are other moments when you just want them to make a damn move already. They obviously like hanging out with you and they are obviously attracted to you. So why is it taking them so long to make it official? What is the holdup? Should you be the one to take charge? Or do they simply prefer to take things slow?

4. Jealousy. It’s hard not to get annoyed when the guy you are talking too is flirting with other people — but you have to remind yourself that they don’t owe you anything. They aren’t in an official relationship with you. They don’t have to stay loyal. Of course, that doesn’t make the situation suck any less. If anything, it sucks more because you feel like your emotions aren’t allowed.

5. Fear. Even though you are willing to take a risk on love, there’s still a part of you that is nervous about everything backfiring on you. There are a million questions that run through your head, more commonly than you would like to admit. What if this person hurts you? What if they end up breaking your heart? What if you get stuck grieving a relationship that never existed in the first place? What if getting involved with them was a stupid idea? What if you should’ve kept your heart to yourself? 

6. Disappointment. When someone you assumed would become your partner ends up leaving you alone, you feel foolish. You feel played. Above all, you feel disappointed. There were so many things you wanted to do together. There were so many plans you imagined in your mind. And now it’s all over. They’re gone. And they’re never coming back.

7. Relief. Even though you had your heart set on ending up with them once upon a time, it’s really a relief that it is over. It’s a relief that you don’t have to keep wondering how they feel. It’s a relief that you can finally move on, finally find someone who is better suited for you.

The Beauty In Breakups

You are never stuck in your situation. You are never obligated to continue on an uncomfortable path. You are allowed to change course. You are allowed to rearrange your priorities. You are allowed to walk away from a situation stunting your growth. You are allowed to choose the hardest option, the unpopular option, in order to reach a place of peace..

I am slowly learning to see the silver lining in breakups. Losing love is something to mourn — but it is also something to celebrate. It means you are free from a dead-end relationship and can search for another one that will provide you with everything you need, everything your last relationship was lacking. Breaking up means you are given a fresh chance. It means you get to try again, to feel butterflies again, to share first kisses again.

Even though walking away from someone you love is the most difficult thing you will ever have to do, I am slowly learning to see the beauty in breakups. I am slowly learning to see the benefits they can bring. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time, your breakup is going to be good for you. It is going to strengthen you.

When the person you’ve spent ninety-nine percent of your time with leaves, you have hours of untouched time. You can do anything you want with that time. You can travel. You can meet up with friends you haven’t seen. You can pursue a new passion. You can restart your search for love.

Breakups encourage reflection. They push you to take a step back and examine your life, your choices, your paths. They make you wonder whether you are living up to your full potential. They make you reevaluate what means the most to you, what you care about deeply and what you would be okay living without.

Breakups remind you the way you are living is not the only way to live. At any point, you can make a change. At any point, everything can be different. You have the power to change paths, even if you have grown comfortable, even if change sounds scary.

They are a reason to break free from your comfort zone and take more risks.

I am slowly learning to see the beauty in breakups. Losing love is never easy — but it can be a catalyst. It can be the shove you need to send your world hurdling in the right direction. 

7 Life Lessons I have learnt

I thought I would share some valuable life lessons I have learnt so far. Between the better moments in my life, there’s obviously been some really tough times so I feel as though I’ve spent more time feeling deflated, rather than happy this year. Which obviously = some serious life lessons learnt– and me being me, I thought that I’d share just what life has taught me so far this year… (cos’ sharing is caring and all that)

1.) Never ever compare your own life to those the same age as yourself
Throughout the entirety of last year, I made the age old mistake of comparing my own life/achievements to those the same age as myself. Whether that be a quick facebook stalk, or a chat with a friend, I constantly felt inadequate, and if I’m being completely honest, a little sick each time yet another person my age achieved something that I still hadn’t. I felt so so far behind compared to everybody else, as though I was living life wrong almost, and I’ve finally realised that life is not a race, and that everybody has ‘their time’. Things will work out.

2.) The importance of new
How many times as adults do we say to someone we don’t know all that well ‘you know what, I feel like we’d get on so well, do you want to go for cocktails/lunch?’ – I’m guessing hardy ever? But that’s exactly what I’ve been doing and I tell you now; it’s taught me A LOT. It’s boosted my confidence massively, and I’m no longer as painfully shy, if I have to meet up for a work meeting I can do it like a breeze when I’d previously have struggled. So I’m all for taking time out to meet new people and experience new things to help me grow as a person nowadays.

3.) No, THAT won’t do
Carrying out things half heartedly, half assed is just not good enough. I’ve recently learnt that unless you go at something and give it your all, well then you might as well not bother. Mediocre effort simply won’t do, or else what’s the point? Things worth having don’t come easy, so if you want something bad enough you’ve gotta put all of your efforts into it or else you’re only letting yourself down.

4.) It’s absolutely vital that you let your hair down from time to time
Letting your hair down, drinking, dancing and enjoying yourself is SO needed… Now I’m not saying ‘girl, neck an entire bottle of wine, get really drunk and start dancing like you think you’re Shakira’ (totally guilty of that, not going to lie) I’m just saying, make time to have funnn. I think sometimes we can get too caught up in everyday life or we simply think ‘I can’t be bothered tonight’ but it’s so so important to let go and escape ‘real life’ for a while.

Drink fruity cocktails, dance like a diva as though nobody is watching, laugh loudly, sing- life’s too short to spend it constantly bored and stressed. And you don’t even have to go out if that’s not your thing, I’ll do this on the regular in my own bedroom #livingmybestlife.

5.) It’s okay not to be okay
Please just bloody share with people when something is wrong, don’t bottle it up and pretend that you’re okay, just to fake that you’re fine when you really aren’t. Invite a friend round, or have a girly day with your mum and then gossip, cry and laugh with wine and don’t think you have to ‘be strong’ – share feelings as it always feels better, trust me.


6.) Self-belief and confidence is key
You CAN achieve absolutely anything if you really believe in yourself. Self belief is a powerful thing. “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ..And I’m probs going to get a text after my grandma has read this paragraph like ‘Sophia, but you’re the worlds worst for continually doubting yourself’ and she’d be 100% right to do so because I really am the worst for this, which is why I’m starting to learn that I’m actually less productive and unlikely to achieve when I have this mindset, when I focus and tell myself that I can the difference in progress is HUGE.

7.) Lazy, self care days are vital to recharge batteries
And last but not least; it’s impossible to pour from an empty cup, meaning that entire days spent watching films, eating good food and taking time to chill and reenergise are absolutely needed. Have a pamper night and get ready to tackle the week ahead with so much more motivation! I’m thinking I’m going to buck my ideas up and cheer the hell up. I’m definitely aiming after lockdown to be more sociable, fun and carefree as what’s happened has happened now!


Do you lot have any valuable life lessons to share? I’d love to hear them!

Life lessons

I have asked a handful of ladies to share with me what they’ve learnt as women. They’re all women who have somehow shaped the life I lead and positively contributed to it. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did and can take something from these quotes. Thank you to everyone in my life who took the time to share something with me for this post.

”A lot of things taste better than skinny feels. Kate Moss can fuck off”

”Do what makes you happy as life is short; time goes quickly so follow your dreams and don’t put things off”

”Whenever you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, ask yourself if it will matter in a week, a month, a year, 5 years…if not, take a deep breath, and walk away with your head held high and if it does matter do the exact same thing”

”I surround myself with positive people that encourage, help and support. My younger adult years felt like an overwhelming battle of bitchiness of ‘Who’s the prettiest’ and ‘What is she wearing’, and actually, it’s complete bullshit In business I support other women all the time”

”Resilience is key to success; you shouldn’t give up on anything just because you’ve had knock backs”

”Be your own person, believe in everything you do, and make sure you are surrounded by good people who will never judge you, always support you, and bring you wine”

“Travel the world as much as you can – there is a big wide world out there full of all different people from all walks of life; some people don’t get to experience that – don’t become one of them. Look after your family and friends, you need them as much as they need you”

”Be happy everyday, don’t dwell on things as in a years time you won’t even remember it! If you love someone, look after them and make them happy. You only live once so enjoy it!”

”Be courageous but kind”

And to finish things off, I thought I may as well share my own advice…

Never underestimate your achievements. Make sure you take the time to look back at how far you’ve come. Keep hold of the few good, loyal friends you find throughout your life; you’ll want to hang on to them. You only get one go at life so make it count. Don’t be scared to tell people to fuck off when it’s necessary. You will find someone who kisses the ground you walk on in good time. Be whoever you want to be, you can love makeup and heels at the same time as loving politics and current affairs.

And lastly, don’t let anyone shit on your dreams. Peace, Love and Gin xo