What’s the big deal with porn?

What’s the big deal with porn? My (female) friend was telling me that she’d found all this ‘weird’ porn on her boyfriend’s phone, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Firstly, who gets that upset about porn?

Secondly, when did porn become such a bad thing?

Thirdly, what the hell does ‘weird’ porn mean? I know what’s weird to me, but I wouldn’t imagine we (my relatively clean-cut female friend and I) have the same boundaries when it comes to porn … and sex for that matter.

Right okay, so it’s not weird porn that’s the problem here. It’s the fact that he’s actually watching porn. I didn’t realise women still got upset about that kind of thing … Isn’t porn so mainstream nowadays?

I gave it some thought, but that just opened up more questions than answers. I love porn. Just like most people I have my own personal preferences, and I wouldn’t exactly say I hide that kind of information from anyone. I’m not ashamed to watch porn.

I also think watching porn with your partner helps your sex life in the bedroom. Does that make me weird then? If I were to find porn on my partner’s phone, I wouldn’t get upset. I’d have a look through it and see what kind of thing he liked to watch, what gets him off in those moments where he thinks no one can find out.  I find it quite hot. 

Porn does have it’s negatives, I understand that. It gives people unrealistic ideas of what sex is like,  what the body is really like, blah blah blah. But it can be a good thing too, can’t it? I like to think I’ve learned a few tricks over the years from watching porn, and I’ve definitely tried new things on my own body because of something I saw in a blue movie once. I’m not embarrassed about it, it’s completely normal. People can judge, but I can guarantee their history has some porn in it.

So here’s the advice I *wish* I’d given to my friend but didn’t because I’m diplomatic and supportive and just listened and mmhmmm’d in the appropriate places instead:

Girl, get over yourself. He’s a guy, he has hormones, sometimes he wants to have a wank. It has no bearing on you, or how much he wants you. He can have a wank in the morning and still want to bed you that afternoon or night, or even ten minutes later. He can jerk off to other women on a TV screen and not be cheating on you. He can think about having sex with those women while he’s pumping his hand up and down because he’s not touching them. He’s jerking off, that’s it. What would you rather he did? Fucked someone else? I know you want to be the ONLY thing he’s thinking about while he’s yanking his chain, but come on.

I want Jared Leto as the Joker to come in one night, tie me to the bed and do unspeakable things to me, but it’s not cheating on your other half. It’s definitely not grounds for tears.

I believe that you need to pick your battles in life. Porn is not a battle you should fight, because it’s not one you will ever win. If you ban him from watching porn, he’ll watch it behind your back. He’ll find a way to watch it, even if it means deleting his history in future. He’ll just be more careful. He’ll take extra measures to make sure you don’t find out and at that point, he’s actually being deceitful and lying to you. That’s opening up a brand new can of worms.

Each to their own, I get that, but you can’t stop a man watching porn. Why would you even want to? It’s really not that big a deal.

One thought on “What’s the big deal with porn?

  1. This is essentially what happened in my last relationship. I’m not saying my behavior was always stellar, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with watching porn or occasionally fantasizing about people other than your significant other. It’s more or less natural and I think it’s unrealistic to expect your partner to only think about you. It led to me hiding things, as you mentioned. I don’t feel good about that behavior. My main mistake was just not dealing with things head on. Honesty is the best policy. Thanks for this!

    Like

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