Boundaries in relationships

Healthy boundaries in relationships are highly recommended and are an essential part of effective communication in couples.

Healthy boundaries allow a person to assert and maintain their sense of self while also engaging at an intimate level with the other. Unhealthy boundaries on the other hand can feel invasive, can be damaging to the self-esteem, can give rise to feelings like resentment and anger.

Examples of boundaries in relationships

Some examples of healthy boundaries:

  • Having friendships outside the relationship
  • Who pays what bills
  • Agreeing the kind of sex life you want
  • Having “Me time”
  • The right to privacy
  • Don’t bring up past relationships – The past is in the past

Some examples of unhealthy boundaries:

  • Inability to give space
  • Not being able to share your thoughts and opinions
  • Not taking responsibility for your needs
  • Causing arguments for the sake of it

People lack boundaries because they have a high level of neediness (or in psych terms, codependence). People who are needy or codependent have a desperate need for love and affection from others. To receive this love and affection, they sacrifice their identity and remove their boundaries.

Boundaries play an important role in telling someone how you want to be treated in a relationship and prevent you from getting used. This is why communication of what you want needs to be clear. Whether explicit or implicit, boundaries should be clear between partners.

For a healthier and happier relationship follow these simple steps:

  1. Know yourself
  2. Take responsibility for your needs and have some time
  3. Don’t spend every day with each other – It is not healthy
  4. See YOUR friends
  5. Communicate
  6. Listen and respect each other

WHAT IS LOVE?

It’s buying me a coffee and a blueberry muffin with the last few quid you have in your pocket just because you know I’ll really appreciate it for breakfast. It’s buying you the new playstation 5 even though it’s ridiculously expensive and totally out of my price range, just because I know you’ll tell me it’s the best gift you’ve ever received. It’s putting the kettle on every time I get that text that says, “Honey, I’m on my way home” 

It’s making a roast dinner with all the trimmings but having it with chicken dippers rather than an actual roast chicken because you forgot the main ingredient for our Sunday feast. It’s laughing it all off as though it doesn’t matter, rolling around in hysterics so much that you can’t stop the pee trickling down your leg.

It’s snuggling up together in bed, pulling the duvet and blankets in close, desperately sheltering each other from the freezing cold temperatures. It’s watching endless shows on Netflix even though we’re bored of them, making the most of a bad situation during a pandemic.

It’s making you feel loved even when you think the rest of the world is against you. It’s making you feel special when you don’t think you’re special in the slightest, and when you think you don’t deserve the special treatment. It’s smiling at you other across a crowded restaurant and instantly knowing what you’re thinking, just from a look. It’s being able to sit in your hoodie, barely moving from the bed. It’s all the cups of tea that aren’t asked for, and all the ones that are.

It’s sharing everything I have with you, everything I feel with you, and making sure you know that you can share everything with me too. The farts, the smelly armpits, the weird spots that we seem to find ourselves with, in really unsavoury places. It’s performing open-butt surgery at three in the morning, using an ice cube as the anaesthetic and a sewing needle as a surgical instrument.

It’s being there every time you feel scared. Every time I need to go to the doctor. Every time you forget something. Every time I can’t face a bumblebee.

What is love?

Love is all of those things. Relationships and life are journey, do not force it.

Go out, have fun and do not be terrified, just be you. You cannot put a time on Love, Just have fun.

The hard days are what makes us stronger, keep your eyes on the stars and feet on the ground.

❤️