Sleeping With A Bra On..

Have you ever wondered how victims handle it so well? How they hold themselves? Have you ever wondered what it is like to sleep with a bra on because you are too scared to sleep at night? Have you ever laid in your bed sleeping with one eye open with your phone and keys right next to you? I am going to talk you through what Domestic Violence is and how sleeping with a bra on throughout my abusive relationship made me feel safe and secure.

Imagine being held hostage but only no one really knows that you are being held hostage. You are forced to plaster on this smile and fake your life and happiness on social media, so you are not alerting everyone of the danger you are in. There is no one to save you but yourself, you are forced to save yourself. You are forced to feel scared, hurt,worried,upset and broken. You are forced to feel trapped in your own home and thoughts.

I spent a relationship trying to please someone with a twisted disease. I tried to become the person they wanted, the person they could control and use. Domestic Violence does not just have to be violence, they do not have to just hit you, choke you, or slam your head into a wall. He degrade me, humiliated me, blamed me, screamed at me, lied to me, cheated on me and even tried to control me.. It is still domestic violence. There is a reason why victims do not leave and why it is so hard to leave. Even if you are the most observant person, emotional abuse can be so gradual that you won’t realise what is happening until you are deeply entangled in its web. As a result the abuse can be “forgotten” as the relationship progresses but you still feel unsafe and therefore end up keeping your bra on to feel that little bit of comfort. I slept with my bra on most nights when I felt insecure and un safe, the reason I did this was in case I needed to escape and I did.

Never ever feel sorry for anyone who deliberately harms you. Being in a previous relationship to feel sorry for a narcissist who abused me was one of the most dangerous aspects of narcissistic abuse. It set me up to not only accept bad behavior in people but to sympathise and make excuses for them. “He won’t do it again” “It was only a push”. Healthy individuals do not want us to pitty them, to feel validated and understood yes but not to pitty them. However narcissists always want us to feel sorry for them all the time. This lowers our standards and boundaries, you feel trapped but you have to do as you are told because after all you are going to be facing another ton of abuse(The sad realisation – it is true) Narcissists will often pause their abuse and smother you with kindness and warmth. This can cause you to become trauma-bonded to them, you are constantly trying to make them happy. Then when they turn abusive again you start to believe that you deserve it. But you don’t!

To my abuser, you cut my soul more times than you eve kissed it, and broke my spirit more time than you ever lifted it. You took more good from me than you ever gave back to me, and you stood there and watched me bawl my eyes out more than you ever comforted me. You watered my insecurities with pleasure, helping them to grow stronger and shushed my voice and my expressions so that I could remain in your eyes, smaller than you. You used my weaknesses against me, threw my past back in my face and I still stayed. Time after time Stayed and that.. me staying.. boosted your ego.. What are you now? Nothing.. It does not matter how great you were, how good you made me feel, or what you did to make me “happy” in the beginning.. you know why? Because in the end I cried and hurt every day.. I left, I escaped, I am free.

You get tired of trying to work things out, you get tired of constantly taking abuse, you get tired of listening to their excuses and giving chances. Sometimes for your peace of mind… you just have to let go. So they can treat the next person like they have treated you. I just got to a point where I decided that I want to live an unbullshitafied life. I am strong, I am fierce, I am upset, I am hurt and I am angry that it took over a year for me to get any justice and feel safe again. But I won.. You only have control of these things in your life, the thoughts you think, the images you visualise and the actions you take. I took action, I never gave up fighting and I never will.

There is a woman reading this now, a woman who has tried her hardest to hold on to a relationship that is no longer worthy or her grip. That woman is tired of loving someone who refuses to love her back, there is a woman reading this now that needs to be reminded of how strong she has always been. Is that woman you? I believe you are strong enough to walk away from the abuse, move on with your life. This is a sign.. this was written for you. I hope you learn like I did to choose yourself because right now.. YOU deserve better YOU more than anybody else.

How I improved My Mental Health

I have made a list of things I have done to improve my mental health, similar to self care tips but a little different! Some of these were easy to do, others it took time, but I made it happen and I have benefited ever since.

While there are many ways your family and friends can support you in improving your mental health, you should be self sustainable as well. Implement use of some of the things I did and you will notice a decrease in anxiety, decrease in depressive symptoms and an improvement in mindfulness.

STARTED JOURNALING AND BLOGGING

I was gifted a creativity journal and I have adored it since I have gotten it. This journal helped improve my mindfulness and I was able to tap into my creative side! I started blogging which improved my confidence and ability to write everything down and share my stories with you all.

SELF REFERRAL TO THERAPY

I self referred myself to therapy, I am now undergoing severe PTSD Therapy with Somerset Talking Therapies and I cannot share with you enough how this has helped me have closure from very traumatic events.

THE greatest thing I could do to improve myself is acknowledge my need to grow and develop further. There were things from my past that I needed to process and I needed to be held accountable for my inconsistent and unhealthy boundaries with others.

I needed to learn things that would align me better within my career and allow me to function higher within society.

SET BOUNDARIES

Learning to say “no” was one of the hardest things I had to do. It was absolutely necessary to learn to set healthy boundaries for my mental health. I would over exert myself and do work that was not mine. I would allow individuals to take what should have been a strength and turn it into a weakness.

AKE A MENTAL HEALTH DAY

Last year, I made sure to take a day here and there to myself for myself. I did not explain anything to anyone and just switched my phone off and had a pamper day. I now do this weekly, it is the greatest thing you can do to take time for your mind to repair and breath. It took a few times before I finally got the hang of taking a day off without guilt. However, I now look forward to sleeping in, going to therapy and meditating.

DETOXED MY SOCIAL MEDIA

A little different than taking time away from social media, I went through my personal social media accounts daily and purged it. If I saw someone posting negativity or things that did not align with my vision, they were deleted and occasionally blocked. To this day, I still do this (I have way too many friends) and I love seeing it less and less.

ALLOWED PEOPLE TO CUT ME OFF AND VICE VERSA

I would try so hard to keep people in my life that were not meant to be in it. It took them doing me so wrong or cutting me off. I became open to being the villain in someone’s story and accepting what I could have done differently in relationships/friendships.

SET GOALS

Similar to setting goals for my professional life I began setting goals for my mental health. Just as I would set my sights on receiving more certifications, I would also set a goal to meditate or journal more. From month to month, I would begin to implement good habits to overcome the bad ones and improve my mental health.

ACCEPT MY IMPERFECTIONS

One of the things I’ve done to improve my mental health is to accept myself “flaws and all”. Where I once saw blemishes in appearance, inadequacies in performance, I now see that I am where I need to be at this point in my life. While there is always room to grow, I am sure to reward myself for how far I have come. I am sure to acknowledge the beauty inside and out, that others see so easily.

FOCUSED ON WHERE I AM

I get so worked up into where I want to be that I – at times- forget about where I am. I love having goals and achieving them, I mean who doesn’t. I just needed to really focus on where I am to not only accomplish a goal but to soak in all I could so that I could avoid mistakes, educate others and realise if I liked doing what I wanted or not.

Self Care Essentials During Lockdown

Hi All, I hope you are well?

With Mental Health being a massive crisis during lockdown, I thought I would gather some self care essentials to help you throughout lockdown. It isn’t for everyone but I promise if you try these, you will be feeling better than what you were and it will help your routine.

ESSENTIAL OILS

Essential oils are a must have self care essential, I mean it says it in the name! I have a few favorite scents and I have come to realize that i associate them all with an activity and what they are meant for.For example, when I am writing blog post I have peppermint and rosemary in my diffuser ready to keep me on task while making my room smell amazing!

BOOKS

One way that I not only motivate myself but also remind myself of how great I am is by reading inspirational books. I love to read in general, but on my really chill days I love to pick up my book on quotes from great women or affirmations (that I probably should have been saying all week long lol).

BATH ESSENTIALS

If you have not been able to take a GOOD and NICE relaxing bubble bath in a while, you are missing out! Courtesy of the quarantine of 2020 I formed many good habits, bubble baths being one of them. I would listen to music on my speaker, place my mask on and let the aroma of the bath soothe me. This is a must to add to your self care essentials that you simple cannot do with out! It’s super affordable and last forever- seriously I have a bottle from April STILL!

COMFY PAJAMAS/SOCKS

There is no better way to spend your self care day than in your most comfy of clothes which is why I had to include them in the list of self care essentials. Personally, I could wear shorts and a tee but I know for others the clothes have to be top notch. I love comfy, fuzzy socks! There is just something about giving yourself a pedicure, moisturizing and sliding on comfy socks as a finishing touch that make me go “ahhh”.

WEIGHTED BLANKET

For guys that have difficulty relaxing even when you have planned time for yourself, this may be most beneficial. The weighted blanket adds that sense of security, anxiety reducing, stress relieving feeling that we all could benefit from.

MUSIC

It is super essential for your self care to have music! Your playlist should include music that is motivating and uplifting.

JOURNAL

Okay, okay don’t hurt me but I will not get off of my journal fandom!! I would do you a disservice if I were not to mention this amazing self care essential item. I have many journals I like to use for different reasons. I have one journal for therapy notes, another for thoughts (day to day use) and another for goal setting. I have also used one in the past that was specifically for improving my self care routine.

MASKS

Invest in some face masks, hair masks, eye masks and foot masks… have a pamper night!

Self care is so important and yet we all fall short of taking the best care of ourselves. Those are some of my tips to help you throughout Lockdown,

THE MAGIC WAND…

Hey Girls…

You know what is coming? Oh yes.. The WAND!

Sometimes my feelings become so strong they’re unmanageable. Sometimes, I’m so caught up in my emotions I can’t function before funneling my affections into something outside of myself. Sometimes I experience love to a degree that I have an unstoppable need to profess it in a letter. So this is a love letter to one of the most important and impactful members of my life… girls try it if you haven’t already! Normalise, sex toys and women touching themselves!

Dear Magic Wand,

I know today, more than any other day that I love you. Like most of us, I’ve heard stories about love at first sight and have spent most of my adult life deciding whether or not I believe it’s real. I can’t say that I fell in love when I first saw you. Instead I found myself hesitating… Intimidated and and thrown by an unexpected trepidation. No, for the two of us it wasn’t love at first sight but I became sure of the realness of a different kind of instantaneous attraction: Love at first touch.

From the moment I first allowed myself to indulge in the magnitude of your ability… From the second your soft, body-safe silicone head settled into the single most sensitive sections of me… From our instant of initial contact I knew I was feeling a depth of excitement, appreciation and euphoria I can only describe as love. It was love at first touch.

But fear not, my angel. It isn’t just the way you touch me that sends me to screaming elation. Our love isn’t so trivial. Our love isn’t so shallow. It runs deep in me and feels just as a part of me as my mind, my memories, my mood you calm so capably. It isn’t just a physical fixation I’ve found with you. It’s the way you make me feel as a woman.

You’ve awakened orgasmic experiences I thought only to be tall-tales told by tantric temptresses. You’ve unlocked a treasure trove of rapture and serenity. All four levels of your power have turned my once complacent body into a palace of impenetrable pleasure. Your consistency has cultivated my confidence. Your striking vibration patterns give me sexual passion. It was love at first and every single subsequent touch.

Thank you for changing me in the best way I could imagine. And thanks for all the O’s. I’ll see you tonight.

Love,Soph

Girls buy yourself a magic wand, I promise you, you will not feel let down! Ann Summers, Love Honey! Invest in you!

No person has ever been able to deliver the type of orgasmic experience that my wand and I shared. It satisfied my sexual needs efficiently and effectively, and continues to everyday, no matter my relationship status. This isn’t to say my boyfriend doesn’t get work done in the sack. He does. Quite well. And lucky for me, he not only satisfies me sexually, but also fulfills my mental, emotional, practical and recreational needs. Just like my magic wand his aptitude for pleasing me. (I seem to have hit the jackpot with this one.) It only follows that I would want to merge these two positive influences in my life into one mind-blowing experience. So I decided maybe I would bring my Magic Wand into our bedroom activities. I must admit I was apprehensive. Would he be turned off? Intimidated? Threatened even? or maybe love it? Who knows stay tuned …

WHAT IS THE MOST INTIMATE ACT?

For me, it’s oral sex – sitting on a guy’s face. I wanted to say something more profound and deep – chatting all night, sharing my deepest secrets; nursing a lover back to health. But the minute I typed the question, the thought rummaged past my wondering desire to drink decaf coffee. Up close to someone’s ‘private parts’ – it’s surely a contender for the most intimate act – at least physical?

One person is in control; it’s a selfless thing to do in a vulnerable position. With sex, you’re both hopefully experiencing pleasure, swerving between how you feel and what they’re doing. Watching a person put aside their own needs to sexually fulfil you however – that’s such an open, power play.

A true act of intimacy must be when silence can linger. That’s why I’m not particularly fond of first dates at restaurants. Between glancing at menus, waiting for food and actually eating (the worst is listening to bread being crunched), it’s like you have to comprise 100 questions to keep chat going. If you can sit and walk with someone and not say a word – you’ll know your bond is close. More so if you stare at one another’s eyes.

Do we agree?? What’s your thoughts on intimacy ? Your favourite intimate act?

Get involved –

Rules About Morning Sex

Hi All,

I hope you are well?

So this has been saved in my drafts for a good while and I thought I would share. If you cringe I am sorry.

I love sex. Sex at ANY time of day is just fine, as far as I’m concerned. But there’s one part of sex that I really don’t appear to have figured out that well yet, though …

Morning sex.

I get that we are going to have different morning priorities here, but there are some factors that are non-negotiable for me. So, I decided to write down the unspoken rules of morning sex.

1 – WAKE HER UP BUT BE NICE ABOUT IT.

If you’re gonna do it, do it nicely. Caress her neck with your fingers, kiss her collarbone, twirl your tongue around her nipples …

Stabbing her in the small of the back with your morning wood is not going to make her wet. Nor will poking and prodding away with your fingers at her sore vagina, caused by the great sex you had last night.

Which brings me nicely to my next point…

2 – POKING & PRODDIN’ AIN’T GONNA WORK.

Right, if you’ve had sex the night before, or even a couple of nights before, there’s a good chance her vagina is still going to be a bit sore. It’s probably swollen and still stings a bit. That means it is sensitive. Super sensitive. If you’re going to gently caress her to orgasm in the morning light, please do it gently. Sticking a finger in and wiggling it around hurts. Gently circling her clit with your lubricated (spit) fingertip doesn’t hurt. Think about it.

3 – IT’LL TAKE A WHILE TO GET HER JUICES FLOWING.

In the morning, it takes a while for most things to happen. I’m never fully awake before a cup of tea. I can’t function properly at work until I’ve had that first cup of coffee. I have a system: wake up, drink tea, go to work, have coffee, be human. That’s how it goes.

If you try and make her do stuff before that system of events has happened, it’s not going to go right. In the morning, if you try to have sex with her, you need to work that little bit harder before she is wet enough to proceed. Do you get me? Be prepared to play around for a little while longer. If it’s not wet yet, don’t put it in yet. Simples.

4 – DON’T GO DOWN …

…if you came inside her the night before. This has actually happened to me on a benderific night out. He went to help lubricate things along the next morning, with his tongue, only to be met by that smell: you + him after a night of rampant fucking.

Come on, guys, you know what I’m talking about here. It’s him mixed with her after it’s been left to mix together all night in the sweaty crevice between her legs. It’s gross. To me it is, anyway. Some guys say they don’t care about licking their own semen, but with that stench, both are going to be embarrassed if it actually happens. Do yourself a favour and just don’t even try to go anywhere down near that region. Anything below the nipples is going to make her squirm uncomfortably, scared that you’re going to get a good whiff.

Oh, and alongside cunnilingus, anal sex is most definitely NOT COOL first thing in the morning. Not for me. No, thank you.

5 – PEE FIRST.

Guys, you know you can’t climax until after you’ve peed in the morning. You’ll be hard for hours, but I know it’s the wrong kinda hard. Just get up and pee first (if you get the chance). It only takes a couple of minutes. Pretty please.

6 – HOURS = NOT FUN.

If you think that going for hours is fun first thing in the morning, think again.

Firstly, you’ve probably got shit to do.

Secondly, after a while, she is going to go dry and it’s going to start hurting. Once again, this is even more so the case if you had sex last night and she is still swollen and sore.

Thirdly, you won’t climax because you didn’t go and pee first.

Anyway, after about half an hour of straight-wakeup-morning sex, you are going to be gagging for a drink… well I usually am.

7 – NO FACE TO FACE.

Morning breath. It’s disgusting. Don’t talk to. Don’t breathe in the same direction. Don’t try to kiss her lips. Don’t come anywhere near her or with that putrid smell coming out of you. She will try and avoid doing the same.

Spooning is one of the only acceptable positions for morning sex [for me]. Doggy is a bit too dirty. Cowgirl is a bit risky because I probably don’t look that great with my squinty eyes and cray-cray hair. Definitely not missionary position. That’s too close. Reverse cowgirl is a bit dodgy (think of the morning farts), and being bent over the bed is also terribly questionable.

Stick with spooning – it’s the safest option.

(Unless you’re gonna get up and brush your teeth first, and make me brush mine too. Then we’re good with missionary. Honestly though, who’s prepared enough for that? I never remember to have mints next to the bed for when I have company even though I keep telling myself I’ll be that prepared.)

8 – THERE’S GONNA BE STUBBLE – ACCEPT IT.

If she shaved for you last night there’s a good chance that there will be stubble by the time you get around to the second sitting in the morning. Don’t talk about it. Don’t draw her attention to it. Don’t even react to it. Get used to it. Accept it. The more you sleep with us, the worse it’ll get. Long-term-relationshipper’s can go months without shaving their legs or bikini lines. Ask them. But for me I shave weekly or when I know I am getting it.

9 – SHE IS NOT GONNA LOOK PRETTY – ACCEPT IT.

Honestly, I’m hideous in the morning. My hair is standing up all over the place, there’s a good chance I’ve got panda eyes because I didn’t take my makeup off last night as I’m lazy, my face is all puffy when I first wake up, and I’ve got a badass attitude with a mouth and scowl to match it.

Why would you want to sexy up with that beast?

I’m not pretty first thing in the morning. I’m pretty about an hour after I wake up, once I’ve showered, washed, dried and styled my hair, and slapped on enough makeup to impress a TOWIE regular. Oh, and I’ve had a cup of tea/coffee.

So accept she is not going to be looking her best!

10 – CUPPA TEA.

The only way to end morning sex is with a cup of tea. You get in that kitchen and make her tea. She will love you for the rest of the day. Strong but with enough milk to make it drinkable almost straight away, please, and with two sugars 😉

You survived another sex post! Well done you! Now get practising.

Peace, Love and Gin xoxo

PLACES I HAVE VISITED IN 2020

Hey Everyone, hope you are all keeping well?

I always get asked how I find the nicest places? Whats my secret? and that I should make a blog of the places i have visited. So here it is, here is my post dedicated to places I visited in 2020 and some tips to help you plan your visit.

My First stay with Joe was Chester – Indigo Hotel on the 14th March 2020. We aimed to go to Chester because of their Zoo, Joe planned the whole weekend and it was lush! Would highly recommend visiting when we are allowed to do so. I am obsessed with elephants and they have the most gorgeous water hole for elephants. It’s around a 4 hour drive with traffic (long I know) but if you are anything like us blasting out some old skl and singing along, the time flys.

Gallery image of this property — Hotel Indigo – Chester – £180 Deluxe King Room – 1 Night

Our second stay was a little different, with everything going on to do with Covid we just needed a break out of lockdown. We booked the cheapest hotel and just packed our things and went. On the 19th August 2020 we went to Falmouth had some seafood, drank endless amounts and discovered a beautiful beach cove. From this venture we were eager to book another.

As my Birthday month came, I was eager to get away. We were browsing, I did some smooching around on Instagram and came across The Cornwall Hotel And Spa. We booked this straight away without hesitating,this stay was relaxing, beautiful and exactly what we needed. We learnt more about us as a couple It was just needed after a few crappy months. So on the 14th October we went on an adventure in St Austell. We visited the Eden Project, Tintagel Beach and Merlins Cave, The lost gardens of Heligan and also took a trip to Plymouth on the way home for a game of crazy golf and some more yummy food. As you can tell I am an adventurous soul!

My Love – Every Adventure With You Is An Adventure To Remember ❤

Our final trip of 2020 was at the most beautiful shepherds hut tucked away in Launceston. We planned to do this in December before Christmas, we were very very lucky to have been able to have this trip due to lockdown! On the 9th December 2020 we embarked on another adventure, I have never been so relieved and happy to be somewhere remote and just hearing the sounds of birds. At this trip it was a hot tub getaway in the middle of nowhere, we drank, cooked meals together and played board games. Had barrels of laugh together with the pigs on the farm! On the way back home, we stopped off to Exeter for some Christmas shopping and some Wagamamas of course.

Now those were our 2020 Staycations! It has been hard with Covid and Lockdown, I have been very very lucky and I count my blessings each day. Now you ask and wonder how I book and find these places? As you can see most of where we went in 2020 was in Cornwall. My advice? Google your surroundings, look on instagram, look on pinterest. All my bookings are done via Booking.com or AirBnB with a 20% discount from Booking.com. With Falmouth we were very very lucky to find the beautiful basset cove, most of my ventures are through driving elsewhere and then googling a place we past and searching near that area. Google Maps comes in very handy!

I sometimes love to have a plan of what we are doing whenever we go away, but sometimes I also love to be spontaneous. Joe has always said, I am outgoing, Ambitious and Courageous oh and a little dopey but he is clumsy so 😉 ( last valentines he knocked the candle off the table in a french restaurant ) What I am trying to get at here? Any trip you can make memorable, even if it’s eating out of a can of beans in front of a fire, no matter what the situation you are surrounded by the ones you love and for that you are lucky!

I wonder what trips will come out of 2021, will we get a summer like 2018? If you need advice on where to book or need help looking for romantic places, let me know? I love planning stuff like this!

But for now, I am going to finish watching How To Get Away With Murder, with a large hot chocolate.

Stay safe everyone!

Peace, Love and Gin xox

REFLECTING ON MY 2020 CHOICES

Hi everyone!

I hope you’re all well. With the recent news of Lockdown 3.0, I am reflecting back on 2020 and looking at my goals, what I have achieved and what I will achieve.

I have recently started a degree in Business Management, this is something I have always aimed to do and would like to progress with Journalism. This came a light after my world got turned around August 2020, I received some upsetting news which made me hit rock bottom. Lockdown had affected my mental health, but the news I received I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. It is something I am still dealing with and have to live with. I turned to drink and drove my car half a mile which ended up with me losing my licence for a year. Full of regrets but onward and upwards, this is what pushed me to turn my life around.

I was recently diagnosed with severe PTSD November 2020 which I am now getting therapy for, 6 sessions in and I and I am doing great. For anyone that doesn’t know Severe PTSD is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. I have experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood and adult life, I have witnessed and seen things I cannot explain.

I am so proud of myself for plucking up the courage to apply for open university after putting it off since 2016. I wanted to turn my life around and do something for me. I started this blog April 2020, I want to progress with my career, manage a company and write articles for magazines. I have recently been given another snippet to write in the Guardian (Not about Engagements this time) Long story…

I guess I should start by saying it probably seems totally random to many people. I work full time, I love to write, and I’ve loved having a blog. I want to say that I love this blog and my social media, I love updating my life on what I am doing, but keeping some stuff private still. Yes, you get the odd troll but predominantly, the people who follow me and who I speak to are truly amazing. I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say you’ve all saved me in ways you can’t even imagine. I genuinely don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for all of you, who read what I write, follow me, like or comment or message me. It may seem small to you, but to me every small interaction is something that has helped me through so many different things in my life and for that I’ll be forever grateful. I can’t explain how blessed a life it is to lead, that when you’re going through crap, or feel at your lowest, and someone pops up to say ‘I hope you’re okay’ or even ‘I found this chocolate in a supermarket I think you’d like’.

I want to write and post and share. I want to help people by talking about things and letting people know that it’s okay to feel certain ways, and to be different, and to go through difficult things and that it will all be okay in the end. I have loved writing and reading since I exited the womb, and one of my life goals has always been to write a book, which I’ve promised myself I will do – but I guess the point I’m trying to make, in the most long winded way, is that I’ve felt lost during 2020.

I’ve felt like I wasn’t fulfilling my potential – and I don’t mean that in a bigheaded ‘I’m better than this way’ – what I mean is that I am so interested and passionate about helping people and writing, and I’m just generally someone who loves to learn, to read – and has always had a massive interest in Journalism. My goal for 2021 is to pass my first year of Business Management and focus on Journalism, I would love to become an agony aunt for newspapers/magazines.

Applying for a degree was a nerve wracking decision to make because 1) it’s a lot of money to spend and 2) I’m 23 and work full time! In all seriousness though, it has taught me that it’s never too late to do anything, or to start all over again. It’s your life, and it has limitless possibilities.

I am pretty sure I want to manage a company and write articles for magazines. I am being completely open minded and I am going to speak to as many people as I can in both careers Business Management and Journalism, and do as much research as possible to make sure that I make the right choice for me.

My life in 2020 turned upside down, hit rock bottom but some what picked me back up and I have blossomed. You want something, you need to go for it. You want to run a business, start a business, do a degree, get fit. DO IT! Do not sit and ponder, the world is your oyster, a couple set backs and you will have a major comeback.

All I know is that I am so excited for this new stage of my life, and I can’t wait to bring you all along with me!

Speak soon.

Peace, Love and Gin xoxo

Learn To Love Yourself.

Hi Guys,

Now we are heading into the New year, I thought I would write a blog post on How To Love Yourself. Learn to love yourself more when we go into 2021.

Your love will keep you warm on days when everything feels cold, from a cup of hot coffee to your best friend’s touch. It will let you take a break and stop you from being too hard on yourself and make you believe that you are more than your terrible past and failed relationships. Loving yourself will soothe your back gently while you face your fears and not let your anxiety win and buy you an ice-cream on a bad day and applaud at every little step you take forward.

Your love will keep your heart pumping with happiness and not let any negative thought invade your beautiful mind. When you sing your favourite songs and dance your heart out your eyes shine the brightest. It will make you realise that you are enough and as long as you have your own back, nothing can stop you from conquering the world. Your love will teach you to not be just kind to others but to yourself too. it will tell you how to love right.

To love yourself the way you love others, You need to follow these steps.

Distance yourself from the people that make you feel like you’re not good enough. You know deep down in your heart if someone isn’t good for you, so live your truth.

You slowly stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own journey, and you could be comparing your life to someone you know nothing about. Live your own life at your own pace. Live life on your own terms. Remember no one knows what happens behind closed doors.

You learn how to be kind to yourself. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t let one negative thought become the way you feel about yourself. Try your very best to turn a negative into a positive; and watch how quickly your mindset can change.

You take care of yourself. Go for more walks, or find something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel good about yourself, something that makes you come home to yourself, and try and do it a few times a week. Try to turn toxic habits into new ones that are good for you and your mind.

You start to deeply think about the people you spend time with. Are they toxic? Do they bring you down? Do you feel like you are worth more than the way they make you feel? It might be time to evaluate the kind of people you are surrounding yourself with and align yourself with people that lift you up and appreciate you.

You unfollow people on social media that make you feel like you need to look a certain way or you are constantly comparing yourself to. It’s not weak. It’s called seIf-preservation, and it’s powerful.

You learn how to stand up for yourself. Take control of a situation when you feel like you are being taken advantage of. It might be uncomfortable at first, but once you start to stand up for yourself you will learn to respect yourself so much more over time.

You understand that loving yourself is a process. It’s not going to happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself the time you need to heal and grow to love who you are on the inside and on the outside. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of the person you are becoming.

If you need any more tips you can comment/ email me annonymously.

All my love,

Peace, Love and Gin Xoxox

Tips For Starting A Blog

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all well.

Today is quite literally my most requested blog post of all time; how to start a blog, run one, get people to read it, make money from it etc, so I thought I’d finally get round to writing one up for you all!

Nervous?

Everyday I get messages from people saying they want to start a blog but they’re scared about what people will say or think. So, I know mine is a work in progress and most people know who I am and I’ve been literally ripped the piss out of it. Do I care? Do I fuck. My dream since I was 4 years old has been to write, and that’s what I’m doing, so it sucks to be you if you give a shit that someone else is achieving their dreams.

If you want to start a blog, start a blog. You’re doing it for you, not for anyone else. Fuck ’em.

Find Your Topic

So, you want to start a blog. First of all, what are you going to write about? Travel, beauty, fitness, cooking, books,relationships, gaming, interiors, or a bit of everything? Decide what it is you want to blog about, and go from there. It doesn’t matter what you want to write about, just do it – make sure you’re passionate about it though.

Choose Your Platform

The two main platforms, as far as I’m aware, for starting a blog, are WordPress and Blogger. I know nothing about Blogger, but I have heard that it’s pretty good. I started my blog on WordPress, by literally signing up and having a WordPress hosted site; so it was .wordpress.com, and then I switched after about 6 months I believe, when I bought my own domain .co.uk however it is still hosted via WordPress.

I find Wordress really easy to use, to edit and create blogs, and look at your website stats and views, pretty much anyone could use WordPress easily!

Create Your Social Media

I recommend creating your own blog social media channels; so rather than promoting everything on your personal Twitter and Instagram (which of course you should also do) and I do, I think that you should start specific accounts with the same names as your blog, just so it’s easier for people to find you, and makes everything nice and concise.

You don’t have to do that, or do any of my points, but it’s just what I think looks good and makes everything easier.

Equipment

You really don’t need anything more than a phone with internet access to start out; you don’t need to splash out on big fancy cameras, editing equipment and MacBook Pros! You can take bright, clear images on an iPhone and edit them, and you can write and edit blog posts on your phone too. It does make it easier to do it on a laptop, but it’s really not a necessity.

Costs

My domain/hosting fees for my website costs me a certain amount per year, but if you’re not buying a domain and just running a WordPress site, it’s free.

Be Yourself

So, you’ve created your blog and social media, and you’ve began posting. Make sure you stay true to yourself. Of course people grow and evolve and I’m certainly a very different and way more mature person now than I was when I started, but you need to stay true to who you are, and put your personality across in your posts.

Gaining Followers/Readers

This is probably one of my most asked questions surrounding starting a blog; how do you grow it, and gain followers? The long and short answer is I have no idea how I have managed to get so many of you angels reading my shit and following me, but you do and I’m grateful for it. Hard work, dedication, posting regularly, being yourself, and being original is pretty much my advice. Be creative and work at it, and people will want to read it.

Connect with other bloggers by following them and engaging with their content, as hopefully they will engage back and it may result in some of their followers discovering you too.

Tag any brands you’re writing about in your posts too, as sometimes they share them, or repost your Instagram pictures, which can help you gain followers.

Making Money

If you’re starting a blog to make money, quit while you’re ahead, honestly. When I started, I had no clue you could make a penny from blogging. I started because I loved writing and wanted a space on the internet to write, and share it with people.

I am very, very grateful that I have managed to turn my blog into a small income, and I feel nothing but happiness for that everyday. I never intended to make money from it.

The reason I say to not bother if you’re only in it to make money, is because people can see through that. People can tell if you’re just in it for the £££ and nothing else, and it makes you unrelatable, unobtainable and just not fun to follow. If I stopped making money from my blog today, I’d still carry on blogging, because I love it. I love writing about how to get over a break up, how to realise your self worth, about good restaurants, what blusher is best for pale skin; I love every single aspect of it and I never began blogging to make a penny. I have been so lucky to gain an amazing audience in all of you, which means that brands want to work with me from time to time, and as of 2021 I will be doing freelance writing for magazines.

Working with Brands

If you do want to make money from it eventually, then you can contact likeminded brands, e.g. if you’re a fashion blogger, you can get in touch with clothing brands about working together. I will say, though, from a brand perspective, they will usually only start paying when your following reaches a certain level. I am not saying that you don’t deserve to be paid for your work if you have a smaller audience, because you do, but brands work on a return on investment basis and if they think they will get a return on their money and then some by working with you.

Freebies

Just like making money, I didn’t know you could get anything for free when I started; after 6 months, I got sent my first ever freebie; an apple face mask, and I remember being so excited I was jumping up and down in my bedroom. I couldn’t believe anyone would ever want to send me something for free, it was just bizarre to me.

After nearly a year I am very lucky to get freebies. I do not take this for granted, ever ever ever.

Again, if you’re just after freebies, don’t start blogging; you need to be writing about things you love, and not care about whether or not you’re getting sent a free lipstick! It’s wonderful, don’t get me wrong of course it is, but I write because I love it, not for free stuff!

Like the brand collaborations for money, you can of course contact brands about reviewing their products on your blog. Email introducing yourself and blog, share your statistics and demographic, and outline what kind of collaboration you’re after. Don’t be downhearted if you don’t get a response, it’s totally normal, as brands get a hell of a lot of requests!

Love What You Do

Write about what you love, because you love it. Don’t focus on numbers, or what people think; blogging has been such a creative and emotional outlet for me and I thank my lucky stars every day that I created this blog; it’s changed my life, and it’s helped me through some really hard times.

I really hope this has spurred on any of you considering starting a blog, and feel free to message any questions I’ve missed!