I am A Difficult Woman – But I love Being A Difficult Woman

Females are secretly celebrated in society for being kind, gentle and delicate, any sign of weakness and a woman is usually taken advantage of. Though I haven’t mastered the art of saying no and standing up for every belief, I am developing the strength of a difficult woman. I’m beginning to stop letting others voice their opinions, I’m growing weary of one-sided friendships. A difficult woman is inspirational. History celebrates women like Marilyn Monroe who fought her studio bosses and Elizabeth I who refused to marry and give away her power. Women who go for want they want and defy anyone who tells them they can’t. It’s the ultimate female empowerment description. Why is it still negative for women to possess such levels of ambition?

Being a difficult woman doesn’t mean I’m not nice or thoughtful. It doesn’t mean I don’t take pleasure in cooking for a man or taking care of them. Growing up quiet and unable to handle confrontation, I felt taken for granted by my closest friends. Going out of my way to visit them, attending their activities when they found excuses for not agreeing to mine.

A couple of years ago, I cancelled out relationships and started putting my thoughts first. I spent my early Teens always worrying about men and whether I’d find a husband and someone willing to love me. Now I realise the shortness of my time and the need to put my dreams first. I am a difficult woman. I’m not 100% there and have a way to go before I master business. Yet I continue to voice my opinions, follow the path I want and not let my natural kindness stand in my way.

I have gone through shit and come out smelling of roses, I have kept my head held high when situations have been tough, I have confronted people who I didn’t think I would ever cross. Being a strong woman does not define who you are!

Difficult women answer back. Difficult women make themselves heard. They don’t back down. They’re loud. They challenge the status quo. They’re not all that easily pleased. They hustle. They’re the ones who get called headstrong (ugh). In men, similar traits are called, variously: ambition, drive, discernment. Think about it. When, pray tell, was the last time you heard a man get called difficult? Being difficult is really “another way of saying female and ‘brave enough to express the full range of one’s humanity.’ ”

Once upon a time, I used to think it was purely a compliment to be called “nice.” “But you’re so nice,” someone might say: “I can’t ever imagine you getting into an argument.” Or, “I can’t ever imagine you having a dark side,” or, “I can’t imagine you writing a book with a murder in it.” I’m sure the people who said it always meant well. But actually what they were doing was putting me into a box. Because society loves its boxes. Women, in particular, are often categorized as one thing or the other. You’re a nice woman. Or you’re . . . difficult.

Difficult women are “ambitious and bold, adventurous and emotional, brainy and defiant, incorrigible and outlandish, determined and badass.” They are about pleasing themselves as much as those around them. They don’t say yes simply because it is expected of them. As a result, they might put a few backs up, but they end up getting what they really want. (As a side note: You can guarantee that difficult women have better sex.)

Really, we should be allowed to be both “nice” and “difficult.” We’re not necessarily one thing or the other—we are all made up of many different and often contradictory, conflicting parts. And it’s definitely true that the world could do with people being a bit nicer to each other. So this isn’t to bash “niceness,” per se—but it is to say don’t be nice at the expense of your sense of self-worth. Difficult women never do that—and that’s why I love them. Because being difficult is also, crucially, about loving yourself.

How To Make The Most Of Your Twenties…

Some would argue that your twenties are the best years of your life. And then those of us in our twenties would disagree… Why is that? Well, your twenties are confusing and expensive. Mostly expensive. Many of us are still working tirelessly at jobs that pay us nothing, all while trying to pay back thousands upon thousands in student loan debts.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m about to be 24 this year and I feel very blessed for the life I have today. However, that doesn’t mean it’s always been a walk in the park; at least not the way it’s portrayed in movies. All the romantic comedies star a woman in her late twenties who’s working as a senior editor for a high-end magazine and living in a lush apartment in the city. How the f*** did she land that gig? Basically, we’re searching for answers on how to make sense of this messy life we’re leading. And in today’s post, I’m going to share with you some ways to make the most of your twenties.

Be Willing To Embarrass Yourself

It’s taken me a while, but I’ve learned to accept the fact that sometimes I’m super awkward. And sometimes I embarrass myself with what I say, do, or the questions I ask. And you know what? That’s OK. You’re never going to become a better person if you let the fear of failure or embarrassment take over your life. If you have something to say, say it.

Don’t Waste Your Time In A Job You Hate

Sometimes you need to work a job you hate because you need to make ends meet, I get it. However, you’re far too young to allow yourself to become complacent in a job that isn’t fulfilling. There’s nothing worse than waking up every morning and dreading the drive to work. Find a job that excites you! We have this amazing thing called the internet. There are endless opportunities out there, you just have to be willing to go out and find them.

Determine Your Non-Negotiables

This goes for your personal life and your professional life. What are the things that you’re just not willing to settle for? Determining those things will improve your happiness tenfold. I never did this until recently and believe me, it’s well worth it.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Having genuinely good friends who will be there for you no matter what is so important. Surround yourself with good people, and don’t be afraid to walk away from a toxic friendship.

Be Honest

Be honest with yourself and your relationships. Accept when you’re wrong, listen to other’s advice and just be a good person. Period.

Travel

Visit as many places as you can, experience life before it is too late! Fall in love with nature, you will not be disappointed.

Thanks for stopping by, friends! I hope you found this helpful.

Peace,Love and Gin xoxo

PLACES I HAVE VISITED IN 2020

Hey Everyone, hope you are all keeping well?

I always get asked how I find the nicest places? Whats my secret? and that I should make a blog of the places i have visited. So here it is, here is my post dedicated to places I visited in 2020 and some tips to help you plan your visit.

My First stay with Joe was Chester – Indigo Hotel on the 14th March 2020. We aimed to go to Chester because of their Zoo, Joe planned the whole weekend and it was lush! Would highly recommend visiting when we are allowed to do so. I am obsessed with elephants and they have the most gorgeous water hole for elephants. It’s around a 4 hour drive with traffic (long I know) but if you are anything like us blasting out some old skl and singing along, the time flys.

Gallery image of this property
Hotel Indigo – Chester – £180 Deluxe King Room – 1 Night
Nelly The Elephants – Chester Zoo

Our second stay was a little different, with everything going on to do with Covid we just needed a break out of lockdown. We booked the cheapest hotel and just packed our things and went. On the 19th August 2020 we went to Falmouth had some seafood, drank endless amounts and discovered a beautiful beach cove. From this venture we were eager to book another.

Basset Cove – North Cliffs.
Basset Cove Beach

As my Birthday month came, I was eager to get away. We were browsing, I did some smooching around on Instagram and came across The Cornwall Hotel And Spa. We booked this straight away without hesitating,this stay was relaxing, beautiful and exactly what we needed. We learnt more about us as a couple It was just needed after a few crappy months. So on the 14th October we went on an adventure in St Austell. We visited the Eden Project, Tintagel Beach and Merlins Cave, The lost gardens of Heligan and also took a trip to Plymouth on the way home for a game of crazy golf and some more yummy food. As you can tell I am an adventurous soul!

The Eden Project
Tintagel Beach and Merlins Cave
The Lost Gardens Of Heligan
The Cornwall Hotel and Spa
My Love – Every Adventure With You Is An Adventure To Remember ❤

Our final trip of 2020 was at the most beautiful shepherds hut tucked away in Launceston. We planned to do this in December before Christmas, we were very very lucky to have been able to have this trip due to lockdown! On the 9th December 2020 we embarked on another adventure, I have never been so relieved and happy to be somewhere remote and just hearing the sounds of birds. At this trip it was a hot tub getaway in the middle of nowhere, we drank, cooked meals together and played board games. Had barrels of laugh together with the pigs on the farm! On the way back home, we stopped off to Exeter for some Christmas shopping and some Wagamamas of course.

Landrends Cornish Holidays
Landrends Cornish Holidays

Now those were our 2020 Staycations! It has been hard with Covid and Lockdown, I have been very very lucky and I count my blessings each day. Now you ask and wonder how I book and find these places? As you can see most of where we went in 2020 was in Cornwall. My advice? Google your surroundings, look on instagram, look on pinterest. All my bookings are done via Booking.com or AirBnB with a 20% discount from Booking.com. With Falmouth we were very very lucky to find the beautiful basset cove, most of my ventures are through driving elsewhere and then googling a place we past and searching near that area. Google Maps comes in very handy!

I sometimes love to have a plan of what we are doing whenever we go away, but sometimes I also love to be spontaneous. Joe has always said, I am outgoing, Ambitious and Courageous oh and a little dopey but he is clumsy so 😉 ( last valentines he knocked the candle off the table in a french restaurant ) What I am trying to get at here? Any trip you can make memorable, even if it’s eating out of a can of beans in front of a fire, no matter what the situation you are surrounded by the ones you love and for that you are lucky!

I wonder what trips will come out of 2021, will we get a summer like 2018? If you need advice on where to book or need help looking for romantic places, let me know? I love planning stuff like this!

But for now, I am going to finish watching How To Get Away With Murder, with a large hot chocolate.

Stay safe everyone!

Peace, Love and Gin xox

Tips For Starting A Blog

Hi everyone! I hope you’re all well.

Today is quite literally my most requested blog post of all time; how to start a blog, run one, get people to read it, make money from it etc, so I thought I’d finally get round to writing one up for you all!

Nervous?

Everyday I get messages from people saying they want to start a blog but they’re scared about what people will say or think. So, I know mine is a work in progress and most people know who I am and I’ve been literally ripped the piss out of it. Do I care? Do I fuck. My dream since I was 4 years old has been to write, and that’s what I’m doing, so it sucks to be you if you give a shit that someone else is achieving their dreams.

If you want to start a blog, start a blog. You’re doing it for you, not for anyone else. Fuck ’em.

Find Your Topic

So, you want to start a blog. First of all, what are you going to write about? Travel, beauty, fitness, cooking, books,relationships, gaming, interiors, or a bit of everything? Decide what it is you want to blog about, and go from there. It doesn’t matter what you want to write about, just do it – make sure you’re passionate about it though.

Choose Your Platform

The two main platforms, as far as I’m aware, for starting a blog, are WordPress and Blogger. I know nothing about Blogger, but I have heard that it’s pretty good. I started my blog on WordPress, by literally signing up and having a WordPress hosted site; so it was .wordpress.com, and then I switched after about 6 months I believe, when I bought my own domain .co.uk however it is still hosted via WordPress.

I find Wordress really easy to use, to edit and create blogs, and look at your website stats and views, pretty much anyone could use WordPress easily!

Create Your Social Media

I recommend creating your own blog social media channels; so rather than promoting everything on your personal Twitter and Instagram (which of course you should also do) and I do, I think that you should start specific accounts with the same names as your blog, just so it’s easier for people to find you, and makes everything nice and concise.

You don’t have to do that, or do any of my points, but it’s just what I think looks good and makes everything easier.

Equipment

You really don’t need anything more than a phone with internet access to start out; you don’t need to splash out on big fancy cameras, editing equipment and MacBook Pros! You can take bright, clear images on an iPhone and edit them, and you can write and edit blog posts on your phone too. It does make it easier to do it on a laptop, but it’s really not a necessity.

Costs

My domain/hosting fees for my website costs me a certain amount per year, but if you’re not buying a domain and just running  a WordPress site, it’s free.

Be Yourself

So, you’ve created your blog and social media, and you’ve began posting. Make sure you stay true to yourself. Of course people grow and evolve and I’m certainly a very different and way more mature person now than I was when I started, but you need to stay true to who you are, and put your personality across in your posts.

Gaining Followers/Readers

This is probably one of my most asked questions surrounding starting a blog; how do you grow it, and gain followers? The long and short answer is I have no idea how I have managed to get so many of you angels reading my shit and following me, but you do and I’m grateful for it. Hard work, dedication, posting regularly, being yourself, and being original is pretty much my advice. Be creative and work at it, and people will want to read it.

Connect with other bloggers by following them and engaging with their content, as hopefully they will engage back and it may result in some of their followers discovering you too.

Tag any brands you’re writing about in your posts too, as sometimes they share them, or repost your Instagram pictures, which can help you gain followers.

Making Money

If you’re starting a blog to make money, quit while you’re ahead, honestly. When I started, I had no clue you could make a penny from blogging. I started because I loved writing and wanted a space on the internet to write, and share it with people.

I am very, very grateful that I have managed to turn my blog into a small income, and I feel nothing but happiness for that everyday. I never intended to make money from it.

The reason I say to not bother if you’re only in it to make money, is because people can see through that. People can tell if you’re just in it for the £££ and nothing else, and it makes you unrelatable, unobtainable and just not fun to follow. If I stopped making money from my blog today, I’d still carry on blogging, because I love it. I love writing about how to get over a break up, how to realise your self worth, about good restaurants, what blusher is best for pale skin; I love every single aspect of it and I never began blogging to make a penny. I have been so lucky to gain an amazing audience in all of you, which means that brands want to work with me from time to time, and as of 2021 I will be doing freelance writing for magazines.

Working with Brands

If you do want to make money from it eventually, then you can contact likeminded brands, e.g. if you’re a fashion blogger, you can get in touch with clothing brands about working together. I will say, though, from a brand perspective, they will usually only start paying when your following reaches a certain level. I am not saying that you don’t deserve to be paid for your work if you have a smaller audience, because you do, but brands work on a return on investment basis and if they think they will get a return on their money and then some by working with you.

Freebies

Just like making money, I didn’t know you could get anything for free when I started; after 6 months, I got sent my first ever freebie; an apple face mask, and I remember being so excited I was jumping up and down in my bedroom. I couldn’t believe anyone would ever want to send me something for free, it was just bizarre to me.

After nearly a year I am very lucky to get freebies. I do not take this for granted, ever ever ever.

Again, if you’re just after freebies, don’t start blogging; you need to be writing about things you love, and not care about whether or not you’re getting sent a free lipstick! It’s wonderful, don’t get me wrong of course it is, but I write because I love it, not for free stuff!

Like the brand collaborations for money, you can of course contact brands about reviewing their products on your blog. Email introducing yourself and blog, share your statistics and demographic, and outline what kind of collaboration you’re after. Don’t be downhearted if you don’t get a response, it’s totally normal, as brands get a hell of a lot of requests!

Love What You Do

Write about what you love, because you love it. Don’t focus on numbers, or what people think; blogging has been such a creative and emotional outlet for me and I thank my lucky stars every day that I created this blog; it’s changed my life, and it’s helped me through some really hard times.

I really hope this has spurred on any of you considering starting a blog, and feel free to message any questions I’ve missed!

Speak soon.

Peace, Love and Gin Xoxoxo

One Thing You Are Most Proud Of Yourself, From This Shitty Year?

So I recently made a question on my Instagram story “ONE THING YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF YOURSELF, FROM THIS SHITTY YEAR?” and asked my followers to write back with what they are proud of. I thought I would turn this into a blog post so we can look back at others achievements.

“Promotion and new house”

“Buying a house and new job at Hinkley”

“Met the best girl ever”

“Moved out and new job”

“Going to be a nan for the first time this year”

“Starting college and passing my course”

“Watching my son grow and starting FM to earn some extra cash for Christmas”

“Becoming a mummy to my beautiful girl”

“Getting my own little photography venture”

“Leaving a toxic relationship”

“Had my little girl”

“Pushing through losing my dad”

“My Son”

“Started saving and improving my credit score further”

“Becoming a better version of myself”

“Saving Money”

What am I most proud of? My family, partner, friends and myself surviving 2020 and being healthy. What are you most proud of? let me know, I would love to hear.

Peace, Love and Gin Xoxox

WHAT IS LOVE?

It’s buying me a coffee and a blueberry muffin with the last few quid you have in your pocket just because you know I’ll really appreciate it for breakfast. It’s buying you the new playstation 5 even though it’s ridiculously expensive and totally out of my price range, just because I know you’ll tell me it’s the best gift you’ve ever received. It’s putting the kettle on every time I get that text that says, “Honey, I’m on my way home” 

It’s making a roast dinner with all the trimmings but having it with chicken dippers rather than an actual roast chicken because you forgot the main ingredient for our Sunday feast. It’s laughing it all off as though it doesn’t matter, rolling around in hysterics so much that you can’t stop the pee trickling down your leg.

It’s snuggling up together in bed, pulling the duvet and blankets in close, desperately sheltering each other from the freezing cold temperatures. It’s watching endless shows on Netflix even though we’re bored of them, making the most of a bad situation during a pandemic.

It’s making you feel loved even when you think the rest of the world is against you. It’s making you feel special when you don’t think you’re special in the slightest, and when you think you don’t deserve the special treatment. It’s smiling at you other across a crowded restaurant and instantly knowing what you’re thinking, just from a look. It’s being able to sit in your hoodie, barely moving from the bed. It’s all the cups of tea that aren’t asked for, and all the ones that are.

It’s sharing everything I have with you, everything I feel with you, and making sure you know that you can share everything with me too. The farts, the smelly armpits, the weird spots that we seem to find ourselves with, in really unsavoury places. It’s performing open-butt surgery at three in the morning, using an ice cube as the anaesthetic and a sewing needle as a surgical instrument.

It’s being there every time you feel scared. Every time I need to go to the doctor. Every time you forget something. Every time I can’t face a bumblebee.

What is love?

Love is all of those things. Relationships and life are journey, do not force it.

Go out, have fun and do not be terrified, just be you. You cannot put a time on Love, Just have fun.

The hard days are what makes us stronger, keep your eyes on the stars and feet on the ground.

❤️

How To Handle a Drunk Angry Girl

This is filled with bad advice. Bad advice written by me, so please don’t take this seriously.

When a girl gets drunk and angry, there’s a reason behind it. It’s normally a build-up of a number of things, and when she has that one drink too many; the one that tips her over the edge, it all comes out. It doesn’t make sense. It probably won’t be in a very nice manner, and it will most definitely baffle any man.I’m the worst for this. I can go out in the happiest mood in the world, in the prettiest dress, with the highest heels, and if something flicks that switch inside my head, the bitch comes out. And she’s a proper bitch too.

She’ll make shit up in her head. She’ll be adamant that it happened, even though it probably didn’t, and no amount of reasoning will make her see otherwise. She’ll focus on that one negative thing you said, take it completely out of context and twist it so much, it doesn’t even resemble the original conversation you had in the first place. No one understands how the brain twists things quite so much – not her friends, not the bouncers in the club, and one hundred percent not her boyfriend/husband/lover.

This is exactly the reason why I rarely drink anymore. I can’t handle the hangovers, I can’t handle my drink, and I can’t handle my inner bitch. I get angry about anything when I’ve had too much to drink, and I’ll try to start fights with anyone stupid enough to come near me.

So how do you handle the drunk angry girl? Everything you say is twisted against you. Everything you do seems to cause offence. She’s cruising for a fight, friends … It doesn’t really matter what you do. She won’t remember it enough to be mad at you the next day, and she’s probably going to be more embarrassed by her own behaviour.

The thing you need to remember here is that alcohol alters her mind. It makes her say and do things she would never normally dream of. She’s not really herself when she’s drinking, you know?

Whatever she says and does, ignore. She doesn’t mean a word of it. Not a single word. She has no clue what she’s doing. She won’t remember it the next day. The less you remind her of, the better. She’ll cringe with embarrassment if she’s got any class about her. Just put it down to a heavy booze-fuelled night, and let it go. Don’t bring it up in conversations, don’t take the piss out of her for it. Just let it go. Shush.

She’ll be angry at first when she wakes up. Again, just ignore it. She’s probably still drunk. She’s not back to her normal self just yet… After a while, she’ll calm down enough to have a conversation about it. Brief and to the point is your best tactic here; just get it over and done with like pulling off a plaster.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you can do to stop this storm once it’s started so you might as well just accept that it’s a shit night and move on. Don’t take the crap she says to heart. She doesn’t mean a word of it. And don’t play too much on it the next day, she’ll get angry when she gets embarrassed and there’s likely to be a few tears…

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I BARELY DRINK.

How To Fall In Love With Yourself

It’s hard work trying to fall in love with yourself when all your life you’ve had people continually tell you and make you feel as if you just weren’t good enough.

With all the men in my history and let’s face it, there’s been a few, there’s been something. Something wasn’t quite right. Friends were the same. I’m always surrounded by people and now, I’m adored by those I know but it hasn’t always been that way. Every man I’ve been with has shaped me in one way or another. Two glasses of wine and I’m smashed. Three glasses of wine and the whole night escapes my memory. When did I turn into that girl?

I can’t keep falling in love with inappropriate men and making bad decisions.

Anyway, back to the topic, you should write a list of all the things you already love about yourself. All those things you actually don’t mind or wouldn’t want to change. How hard can this be? So I wrote a list…

What I love about myself…

I’M A HARD WORKER.

If I need to stay awake all night and get something done, I’ll stay awake all night. I’m always late with stuff but when it comes to my work, whatever it is at the time, I put my heart and soul into it. I’ve always worked every hour the day would allow and I still do now. For years I’ve had both a full-time job, for two years I have had a full time job during the week and a part time job at weekends working behind the bar in Club Icon in a night club. I have also started blogging, I have always loved writing and with my life … I could write a book. However I’m permanently glued to either my phone, my laptop or my next adventure, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love my life. I love my jobs. I love what I do. I’ve worked hard to stick two fingers up to people and tell them I DID IT ON MY OWN! I have no choice but to make it work. I WANT to make it work.

I’M ALL FOR EQUALITY.

I like to think of myself as an equal to everyone else. Of course, I judge people and think I’m ‘better’ than some people but that’s because I’m a human being and I live in the current day and age. Everyone’s judgemental from time to time. I’ve accepted that it’s just a part of human nature. But I’m an equal more than anything else. I don’t think one person doesn’t deserve any less assistance or aid just because of where they’re from, who they are, what colour their skin is, what God they believe in, or anything. I don’t think anyone deserves something better than me or vice versa. We are all the same. Gay people should have as many rights as straight people. Men should live as women if they want to, and vice versa. I just want a world filled with love. Hate hurts my heart.

I’m also for equality in relationships and friendships. He should pay on the first date because that’s just the right (/ gentlemanly / romantic / chivalrous / old-fashioned / expected) thing to do but after that, I’ll happily pay my way. I’ll buy dinner. I’ll even buy him roses if he wants. I’ll do everything for him that I would expect him to do for me. I expect that from my relationships and my friendships. I wouldn’t ask someone to do something for me that I wouldn’t do for them, friend, lover, partner or otherwise.

I’M OPEN-MINDED.

I mean that in every sense of the word. I’m open-minded in life, love, sex, you name it. I’ll happily try everything once. If I don’t like it, I just don’t do it again. Or maybe I’ll do it a second time around just to make sure but then after that, I definitely won’t do it again. I like to think that being as open-minded as I am makes me a better person because I can see different sides of different stories. I’m known to be flaky – I often change my mind on something but normally put it down to just being ‘a women’s prerogative’. In reality I think it’s because my mind is open to seeing a different side. I’m not afraid to admit when I’ve made a mistake and need to change my mind / opinion. I’m not afraid to admit when I’m in the wrong.

I’M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT WHEN I’VE MADE A MISTAKE.

I’m making this a point on its own. If I’m in the wrong about something, I just need a little while to calm down and realised I’ve fucked up. I will always come back and apologise with my tail in between my legs if it’s called for. Like the time I got drunk and hurled abuse at Bestie. The first thing I did in my hungover state was apologise profusely for being a complete and utter cunt. I’m an asshole when I drink. I really, really am.

I’M BRUTALLY HONEST.

If you’re pissing me off, you’ll know about it. If I’m upset about something, you’ll know about it. I’m brutally honest and sometimes I wish I wasn’t but again, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to love that side of myself. And I’m starting to give less of a shit about offending people if they’ve upset me first. I can be two-faced but normally it’s by accident. Most of the time, whatever I’m thinking just comes right out of my mouth and the more I think about how to say something, the more it’s likely to just come out in one wild outburst. And wrong.

That’s how I think it should be when you first say ‘I love you’ to someone for the first time and that’s something I’ve realised too as I’ve gotten older. You should say it when it’s the only thing you can think about saying. When it feels like it might burst from your mouth at any moment and you’re unable to hold it in any longer. When it’s everything to you right there in that moment. That’s how I think when I love someone. When not saying those words becomes more impossible than saying them. You know? Maybe secretly I’m really romantic too?

I KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE…

Now. And I know how to get it. Sometimes putting that into practice takes some work but I’m getting there. I want to be happy. I don’t want to be super rich or super famous. I don’t want to be the world’s best anything, blogger, writer, business-bitch… Anything. (Although it would be nice.) I just want to be me. I want to be me around someone who loves me for me, the good stuff and the bad. I want to find that special someone, keep doing my writing thing, work too hard sometimes and fight too much, and live happily ever after with kids, a dog, a cat and a family car in tow. Everything in between, where I live, what he looks like, what kind of clothes I wear, none of that matters to me. Not at all. And that’s something I’ve learned over the years. I’m not a superficial girlie and all that superficial shit means nothin’ to me.

I’m patient. I’m loyal… Usually. I’m friendly and I’ll talk to anyone. I’m independent. I’m funny… If you get my sense of humour. I’m short and good things come in short packages.

So…. I guess there are a few things I do love about myself. It’s not all bad. What do you love about yourself? When was the last time you gave yourself a break? Try it. It’s good for your soul… Apparently. I feel better anyway. In fact, I feel pretty good. It’s YOUR turn…

Ciao for now!

xo

What’s the big deal with porn?

What’s the big deal with porn? My (female) friend was telling me that she’d found all this ‘weird’ porn on her boyfriend’s phone, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Firstly, who gets that upset about porn?

Secondly, when did porn become such a bad thing?

Thirdly, what the hell does ‘weird’ porn mean? I know what’s weird to me, but I wouldn’t imagine we (my relatively clean-cut female friend and I) have the same boundaries when it comes to porn … and sex for that matter.

Right okay, so it’s not weird porn that’s the problem here. It’s the fact that he’s actually watching porn. I didn’t realise women still got upset about that kind of thing … Isn’t porn so mainstream nowadays?

I gave it some thought, but that just opened up more questions than answers. I love porn. Just like most people I have my own personal preferences, and I wouldn’t exactly say I hide that kind of information from anyone. I’m not ashamed to watch porn.

I also think watching porn with your partner helps your sex life in the bedroom. Does that make me weird then? If I were to find porn on my partner’s phone, I wouldn’t get upset. I’d have a look through it and see what kind of thing he liked to watch, what gets him off in those moments where he thinks no one can find out.  I find it quite hot. 

Porn does have it’s negatives, I understand that. It gives people unrealistic ideas of what sex is like,  what the body is really like, blah blah blah. But it can be a good thing too, can’t it? I like to think I’ve learned a few tricks over the years from watching porn, and I’ve definitely tried new things on my own body because of something I saw in a blue movie once. I’m not embarrassed about it, it’s completely normal. People can judge, but I can guarantee their history has some porn in it.

So here’s the advice I *wish* I’d given to my friend but didn’t because I’m diplomatic and supportive and just listened and mmhmmm’d in the appropriate places instead:

Girl, get over yourself. He’s a guy, he has hormones, sometimes he wants to have a wank. It has no bearing on you, or how much he wants you. He can have a wank in the morning and still want to bed you that afternoon or night, or even ten minutes later. He can jerk off to other women on a TV screen and not be cheating on you. He can think about having sex with those women while he’s pumping his hand up and down because he’s not touching them. He’s jerking off, that’s it. What would you rather he did? Fucked someone else? I know you want to be the ONLY thing he’s thinking about while he’s yanking his chain, but come on.

I want Jared Leto as the Joker to come in one night, tie me to the bed and do unspeakable things to me, but it’s not cheating on your other half. It’s definitely not grounds for tears.

I believe that you need to pick your battles in life. Porn is not a battle you should fight, because it’s not one you will ever win. If you ban him from watching porn, he’ll watch it behind your back. He’ll find a way to watch it, even if it means deleting his history in future. He’ll just be more careful. He’ll take extra measures to make sure you don’t find out and at that point, he’s actually being deceitful and lying to you. That’s opening up a brand new can of worms.

Each to their own, I get that, but you can’t stop a man watching porn. Why would you even want to? It’s really not that big a deal.

Know Your Worth

I wouldn’t classify myself as a hardcore Drake fan but If #DrakeTaughtMe anything, it was something I believed in long before he made it a hot line in a hot song. “Know Yourself, Know Your Worth

In today’s world, many people are having trouble discovering themselves. They are lost and trying to find someone or something to save them from pain, suffering and sorrow. In order for someone to discover self-worth, you must first look within. If you don’t take the initial step, why should you expect anyone to follow and help you?

This process can be lengthy and emotional, however, it’s mandatory if you want to see improvement in this area of your life. Being comfortable with who you are is everything, it’s your personal blueprint and foundation of self-worth. Without knowing exactly who you are, receiving and accepting love and happiness will be challenging. Settling and disappointment will be inevitable.

I have a message for you: Create YOUR own lane. Run YOUR own race. Life is not about keeping up with The Kardashians. Believe in yourself and live the happy life you want without thinking about what others will say or do. They will say regardless.

Peace, Love and Gin xo