I am A Difficult Woman – But I love Being A Difficult Woman

Females are secretly celebrated in society for being kind, gentle and delicate, any sign of weakness and a woman is usually taken advantage of. Though I haven’t mastered the art of saying no and standing up for every belief, I am developing the strength of a difficult woman. I’m beginning to stop letting others voice their opinions, I’m growing weary of one-sided friendships. A difficult woman is inspirational. History celebrates women like Marilyn Monroe who fought her studio bosses and Elizabeth I who refused to marry and give away her power. Women who go for want they want and defy anyone who tells them they can’t. It’s the ultimate female empowerment description. Why is it still negative for women to possess such levels of ambition?

Being a difficult woman doesn’t mean I’m not nice or thoughtful. It doesn’t mean I don’t take pleasure in cooking for a man or taking care of them. Growing up quiet and unable to handle confrontation, I felt taken for granted by my closest friends. Going out of my way to visit them, attending their activities when they found excuses for not agreeing to mine.

A couple of years ago, I cancelled out relationships and started putting my thoughts first. I spent my early Teens always worrying about men and whether I’d find a husband and someone willing to love me. Now I realise the shortness of my time and the need to put my dreams first. I am a difficult woman. I’m not 100% there and have a way to go before I master business. Yet I continue to voice my opinions, follow the path I want and not let my natural kindness stand in my way.

I have gone through shit and come out smelling of roses, I have kept my head held high when situations have been tough, I have confronted people who I didn’t think I would ever cross. Being a strong woman does not define who you are!

Difficult women answer back. Difficult women make themselves heard. They don’t back down. They’re loud. They challenge the status quo. They’re not all that easily pleased. They hustle. They’re the ones who get called headstrong (ugh). In men, similar traits are called, variously: ambition, drive, discernment. Think about it. When, pray tell, was the last time you heard a man get called difficult? Being difficult is really “another way of saying female and ‘brave enough to express the full range of one’s humanity.’ ”

Once upon a time, I used to think it was purely a compliment to be called “nice.” “But you’re so nice,” someone might say: “I can’t ever imagine you getting into an argument.” Or, “I can’t ever imagine you having a dark side,” or, “I can’t imagine you writing a book with a murder in it.” I’m sure the people who said it always meant well. But actually what they were doing was putting me into a box. Because society loves its boxes. Women, in particular, are often categorized as one thing or the other. You’re a nice woman. Or you’re . . . difficult.

Difficult women are “ambitious and bold, adventurous and emotional, brainy and defiant, incorrigible and outlandish, determined and badass.” They are about pleasing themselves as much as those around them. They don’t say yes simply because it is expected of them. As a result, they might put a few backs up, but they end up getting what they really want. (As a side note: You can guarantee that difficult women have better sex.)

Really, we should be allowed to be both “nice” and “difficult.” We’re not necessarily one thing or the other—we are all made up of many different and often contradictory, conflicting parts. And it’s definitely true that the world could do with people being a bit nicer to each other. So this isn’t to bash “niceness,” per se—but it is to say don’t be nice at the expense of your sense of self-worth. Difficult women never do that—and that’s why I love them. Because being difficult is also, crucially, about loving yourself.

I Am The Ultimate Judge Of Myself No One Else Is! Self Love Is The Goal

I AM THE ULTIMATE JUDGE OF MYSELF – NO ONE ELSE IS! I can only control my behavior and actions. I need to LOVE ME!

Self love is so important. Because when you’re all alone and it’s 3 am and you’re crying, who’s going to be there for you?obviously yourself. You have to pick yourself up and find the strength to carry on, at the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got.

The whole self love thing is good and all but some people can’t fathom being loved. They can’t imagine there being anything good about them. So they can’t simply just stop doing unhealthy things, there’s a process. 

Before self love you have to have self tolerance and self neutrality. 
If you can’t say “I love my body!” say “my body gets me from place to place.”
If you can’t say “I’m beautiful,” begin by shutting down the “I’m ugly” thoughts and saying “I’m a person.”
If you can’t say “I’m valuable” begun by shutting down the “I’m worthless” thoughts and say “all people deserve basic respect, and I’m a person.”

If you can’t say “I’m important,” or “I’m kind” say “I am the one who waters my plant every week” or “I am the one who tips the kind bartender down the street” or “I am the one who makes sure my dog does not eat plastic” or “I am the one who leaves long comments on people’s posts.”

You can be kind, be gentle, be loving, be inspiring, but refuse to let anyone walk over you. Find your worth, and after you do, you’ll start holding yourself up to a higher standard.

This will cause you to start holding people up to a higher standard than you’ve ever done because you know you deserve more than what has been given to you in the past.

You can be kind but be nasty against anything that will bring you down. You can be loving but detest hate. You can be inspiring but be uninspired by anything that does that match to your level.

But most importantly, be kind to yourself. Be gentle to yourself. Be loving to yourself. Inspire yourself. You’ve been through alot. You’ve learned alot of valuable lessons and you’ll learn even more. You’re strong and capable of anything you put yourself up to. You’re everything you need.

Your life speaks louder than your voice ever can. How we live and how we treat people is who we really are – not the things we claim to do or be. Let how you live your life be a testament to who you really are.

I will tell you again and again:

Choose the life you want and run in that direction.

Don’t settle for anything else.

Trust the next chapter because you are the author.

How People Try To Break You

One minute you’re a child with a best friend forever, the next you walk into a room full of people and assume only a handful are nice.

You truly grow up when you realise not everyone has your best interests. We are taught to always compete. We are labelled from a young age. The “clever one”, the “pretty one”, and the “funny one”.

It’s not about competing with the person opposite. You have to compete with yourself. Aim to be your best and you cannot do any more. Infact, if you compete against a person, you might win and then there will always be another.

Unfortunately, not everyone understands this concept; some people take their envy and twist it into negative malice. These are a few ways i have found that people try to break you, and how to react with each one.

1. The belittling

You have just opened up about your dream job or some exciting news; this person doesn’t want you to feel too good. They decide to mock or talk down to you in an attempt to lower your esteem. I am all for sarcasm, but sometimes a false humour is used to cover how awful they are being.

Honestly, being such a dreamer, I am beyond used to this. I have experienced family and friends criticise my decisions and do so in a way that makes me feel stupid. Sometimes no one cares until they see you doing well, and then they want to throw in their comments.

What to do

Simply keep going. Don’t argue. Don’t defend yourself. You know what you are doing and what you want. In a world full of people with dreams on the back-burner, it speaks volume about your character that you aim high. The best way to revenge these comments is to do you. Even if your plans do not all work out, you will live knowing you lived to the full and believed in your heart. That’s a great life to have!

2. The copier

Not just a highschool phase, copying can stem from a sinister route. I’m not talking about a person being inspired by your work or wanting to buy jeans they have seen you worn. That’s rather complimenting.

I’m talking about that person who copies purely to compete. Everything you do, they do as well to try to beat you at it. I have recently had someone who would do this and even to this day, I’m sure she still does. If she is reading this, PLEASE STOP!

What to do

Firstly, if you have someone that competitive, question whether they are actually your friend. Copying can be down to insecurity, so it’s important to know the difference. Truly, keep things to yourself. Don’t share information with a person not embracing your happiness. And don’t keep noticing. Just move on and focus on what you are doing. Worrying about others who do not care about you, is wasted energy. Besides, anyone copying and you are doing something right! Just block them!

3. The bragger

In today’s world, do we all kind of brag? Again there is a difference with people who love sharing their life and people who love rubbing it towards you.

Not always related to boosting self-esteem, bragging can occur due to the need to make you feel bad. They may ask you a question first and make your answer appear inadequate, or they make a point of comparing lives, persuading yours to look insignificant.

What to do

Keep your tone the same. Why let them affect you and if they have, Why show them? Don’t fake happiness or pretend you are uninterested, just stick your usual reactions. Nothing gets to a bragger more than knowing their bragging is not effective.

4. Negative Nancy

Apologies if you are called Nancy and you are positive!

Negatives like putting a big minus next to all your goals. However big or small, a negative wants you to know how unrealistic your desires are.

Mainly down to envy, they fear you achieving and setting out to do what they are afraid of.

What to do

Well, avoid sharing your positivity. It’s tempting to counteract and stand up for yourself when someone doubts your capabilities; often this does not deter them. Don’t give them the option of deciding whether to crush your thoughts, share your passions with people who inspire them.

5. The judgemental/down talkers

The biggest, I have resentment towards you and want you to fail, in my opinion.

Judgement is one of the worst. Beyond hypocritical, people who make themselves feel better by making others feel ashamed.

Alongside this category is the down talkers. Not only do they criticise, react negatively and belittle, they make you feel wrong. They take on an superior role. They target your intelligence. Down talkers can be conceited, they can attack you whilst pretending they are innocent. You can end up questioning your confidence, then questioning why you are questioning it. Any questions?

What to do

This is the one where I believe you should stand up for yourself. There is no such thing as a perfect human. Whoever decides to criticise you, are already in the wrong.

Be stronger than their weak opinions. Down talk especially, why entertain it? Cut the conversation. Your ears deserve more!

How many of these have you experienced? Please comment below and thank you for reading.

Peace, Love and Gin Xoxo

Learn To Love Yourself.

Hi Guys,

Now we are heading into the New year, I thought I would write a blog post on How To Love Yourself. Learn to love yourself more when we go into 2021.

Your love will keep you warm on days when everything feels cold, from a cup of hot coffee to your best friend’s touch. It will let you take a break and stop you from being too hard on yourself and make you believe that you are more than your terrible past and failed relationships. Loving yourself will soothe your back gently while you face your fears and not let your anxiety win and buy you an ice-cream on a bad day and applaud at every little step you take forward. 

Your love will keep your heart pumping with happiness and not let any negative thought invade your beautiful mind. When you sing your favourite songs and dance your heart out your eyes shine the brightest. It will make you realise that you are enough and as long as you have your own back, nothing can stop you from conquering the world. Your love will teach you to not be just kind to others but to yourself too. it will tell you how to love right. 

To love yourself the way you love others, You need to follow these steps.

Distance yourself from the people that make you feel like you’re not good enough. You know deep down in your heart if someone isn’t good for you, so live your truth. 

You slowly stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own journey, and you could be comparing your life to someone you know nothing about. Live your own life at your own pace. Live life on your own terms. Remember no one knows what happens behind closed doors.

You learn how to be kind to yourself. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t let one negative thought become the way you feel about yourself. Try your very best to turn a negative into a positive; and watch how quickly your mindset can change. 

You take care of yourself. Go for more walks, or find something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel good about yourself, something that makes you come home to yourself, and try and do it a few times a week. Try to turn toxic habits into new ones that are good for you and your mind. 

You start to deeply think about the people you spend time with. Are they toxic? Do they bring you down? Do you feel like you are worth more than the way they make you feel? It might be time to evaluate the kind of people you are surrounding yourself with and align yourself with people that lift you up and appreciate you. 

You unfollow people on social media that make you feel like you need to look a certain way or you are constantly comparing yourself to. It’s not weak. It’s called seIf-preservation, and it’s powerful. 

You learn how to stand up for yourself. Take control of a situation when you feel like you are being taken advantage of. It might be uncomfortable at first, but once you start to stand up for yourself you will learn to respect yourself so much more over time. 

You understand that loving yourself is a process. It’s not going to happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself the time you need to heal and grow to love who you are on the inside and on the outside. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of the person you are becoming.

If you need any more tips you can comment/ email me annonymously.

All my love,

Peace, Love and Gin Xoxox

How To Fall In Love With Yourself

It’s hard work trying to fall in love with yourself when all your life you’ve had people continually tell you and make you feel as if you just weren’t good enough.

With all the men in my history and let’s face it, there’s been a few, there’s been something. Something wasn’t quite right. Friends were the same. I’m always surrounded by people and now, I’m adored by those I know but it hasn’t always been that way. Every man I’ve been with has shaped me in one way or another. Two glasses of wine and I’m smashed. Three glasses of wine and the whole night escapes my memory. When did I turn into that girl?

I can’t keep falling in love with inappropriate men and making bad decisions.

Anyway, back to the topic, you should write a list of all the things you already love about yourself. All those things you actually don’t mind or wouldn’t want to change. How hard can this be? So I wrote a list…

What I love about myself…

I’M A HARD WORKER.

If I need to stay awake all night and get something done, I’ll stay awake all night. I’m always late with stuff but when it comes to my work, whatever it is at the time, I put my heart and soul into it. I’ve always worked every hour the day would allow and I still do now. For years I’ve had both a full-time job, for two years I have had a full time job during the week and a part time job at weekends working behind the bar in Club Icon in a night club. I have also started blogging, I have always loved writing and with my life … I could write a book. However I’m permanently glued to either my phone, my laptop or my next adventure, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love my life. I love my jobs. I love what I do. I’ve worked hard to stick two fingers up to people and tell them I DID IT ON MY OWN! I have no choice but to make it work. I WANT to make it work.

I’M ALL FOR EQUALITY.

I like to think of myself as an equal to everyone else. Of course, I judge people and think I’m ‘better’ than some people but that’s because I’m a human being and I live in the current day and age. Everyone’s judgemental from time to time. I’ve accepted that it’s just a part of human nature. But I’m an equal more than anything else. I don’t think one person doesn’t deserve any less assistance or aid just because of where they’re from, who they are, what colour their skin is, what God they believe in, or anything. I don’t think anyone deserves something better than me or vice versa. We are all the same. Gay people should have as many rights as straight people. Men should live as women if they want to, and vice versa. I just want a world filled with love. Hate hurts my heart.

I’m also for equality in relationships and friendships. He should pay on the first date because that’s just the right (/ gentlemanly / romantic / chivalrous / old-fashioned / expected) thing to do but after that, I’ll happily pay my way. I’ll buy dinner. I’ll even buy him roses if he wants. I’ll do everything for him that I would expect him to do for me. I expect that from my relationships and my friendships. I wouldn’t ask someone to do something for me that I wouldn’t do for them, friend, lover, partner or otherwise.

I’M OPEN-MINDED.

I mean that in every sense of the word. I’m open-minded in life, love, sex, you name it. I’ll happily try everything once. If I don’t like it, I just don’t do it again. Or maybe I’ll do it a second time around just to make sure but then after that, I definitely won’t do it again. I like to think that being as open-minded as I am makes me a better person because I can see different sides of different stories. I’m known to be flaky – I often change my mind on something but normally put it down to just being ‘a women’s prerogative’. In reality I think it’s because my mind is open to seeing a different side. I’m not afraid to admit when I’ve made a mistake and need to change my mind / opinion. I’m not afraid to admit when I’m in the wrong.

I’M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT WHEN I’VE MADE A MISTAKE.

I’m making this a point on its own. If I’m in the wrong about something, I just need a little while to calm down and realised I’ve fucked up. I will always come back and apologise with my tail in between my legs if it’s called for. Like the time I got drunk and hurled abuse at Bestie. The first thing I did in my hungover state was apologise profusely for being a complete and utter cunt. I’m an asshole when I drink. I really, really am.

I’M BRUTALLY HONEST.

If you’re pissing me off, you’ll know about it. If I’m upset about something, you’ll know about it. I’m brutally honest and sometimes I wish I wasn’t but again, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to love that side of myself. And I’m starting to give less of a shit about offending people if they’ve upset me first. I can be two-faced but normally it’s by accident. Most of the time, whatever I’m thinking just comes right out of my mouth and the more I think about how to say something, the more it’s likely to just come out in one wild outburst. And wrong.

That’s how I think it should be when you first say ‘I love you’ to someone for the first time and that’s something I’ve realised too as I’ve gotten older. You should say it when it’s the only thing you can think about saying. When it feels like it might burst from your mouth at any moment and you’re unable to hold it in any longer. When it’s everything to you right there in that moment. That’s how I think when I love someone. When not saying those words becomes more impossible than saying them. You know? Maybe secretly I’m really romantic too?

I KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE…

Now. And I know how to get it. Sometimes putting that into practice takes some work but I’m getting there. I want to be happy. I don’t want to be super rich or super famous. I don’t want to be the world’s best anything, blogger, writer, business-bitch… Anything. (Although it would be nice.) I just want to be me. I want to be me around someone who loves me for me, the good stuff and the bad. I want to find that special someone, keep doing my writing thing, work too hard sometimes and fight too much, and live happily ever after with kids, a dog, a cat and a family car in tow. Everything in between, where I live, what he looks like, what kind of clothes I wear, none of that matters to me. Not at all. And that’s something I’ve learned over the years. I’m not a superficial girlie and all that superficial shit means nothin’ to me.

I’m patient. I’m loyal… Usually. I’m friendly and I’ll talk to anyone. I’m independent. I’m funny… If you get my sense of humour. I’m short and good things come in short packages.

So…. I guess there are a few things I do love about myself. It’s not all bad. What do you love about yourself? When was the last time you gave yourself a break? Try it. It’s good for your soul… Apparently. I feel better anyway. In fact, I feel pretty good. It’s YOUR turn…

Ciao for now!

xo