Sleeping With A Bra On..

Have you ever wondered how victims handle it so well? How they hold themselves? Have you ever wondered what it is like to sleep with a bra on because you are too scared to sleep at night? Have you ever laid in your bed sleeping with one eye open with your phone and keys right next to you? I am going to talk you through what Domestic Violence is and how sleeping with a bra on throughout my abusive relationship made me feel safe and secure.

Imagine being held hostage but only no one really knows that you are being held hostage. You are forced to plaster on this smile and fake your life and happiness on social media, so you are not alerting everyone of the danger you are in. There is no one to save you but yourself, you are forced to save yourself. You are forced to feel scared, hurt,worried,upset and broken. You are forced to feel trapped in your own home and thoughts.

I spent a relationship trying to please someone with a twisted disease. I tried to become the person they wanted, the person they could control and use. Domestic Violence does not just have to be violence, they do not have to just hit you, choke you, or slam your head into a wall. He degrade me, humiliated me, blamed me, screamed at me, lied to me, cheated on me and even tried to control me.. It is still domestic violence. There is a reason why victims do not leave and why it is so hard to leave. Even if you are the most observant person, emotional abuse can be so gradual that you won’t realise what is happening until you are deeply entangled in its web. As a result the abuse can be “forgotten” as the relationship progresses but you still feel unsafe and therefore end up keeping your bra on to feel that little bit of comfort. I slept with my bra on most nights when I felt insecure and un safe, the reason I did this was in case I needed to escape and I did.

Never ever feel sorry for anyone who deliberately harms you. Being in a previous relationship to feel sorry for a narcissist who abused me was one of the most dangerous aspects of narcissistic abuse. It set me up to not only accept bad behavior in people but to sympathise and make excuses for them. “He won’t do it again” “It was only a push”. Healthy individuals do not want us to pitty them, to feel validated and understood yes but not to pitty them. However narcissists always want us to feel sorry for them all the time. This lowers our standards and boundaries, you feel trapped but you have to do as you are told because after all you are going to be facing another ton of abuse(The sad realisation – it is true) Narcissists will often pause their abuse and smother you with kindness and warmth. This can cause you to become trauma-bonded to them, you are constantly trying to make them happy. Then when they turn abusive again you start to believe that you deserve it. But you don’t!

To my abuser, you cut my soul more times than you eve kissed it, and broke my spirit more time than you ever lifted it. You took more good from me than you ever gave back to me, and you stood there and watched me bawl my eyes out more than you ever comforted me. You watered my insecurities with pleasure, helping them to grow stronger and shushed my voice and my expressions so that I could remain in your eyes, smaller than you. You used my weaknesses against me, threw my past back in my face and I still stayed. Time after time Stayed and that.. me staying.. boosted your ego.. What are you now? Nothing.. It does not matter how great you were, how good you made me feel, or what you did to make me “happy” in the beginning.. you know why? Because in the end I cried and hurt every day.. I left, I escaped, I am free.

You get tired of trying to work things out, you get tired of constantly taking abuse, you get tired of listening to their excuses and giving chances. Sometimes for your peace of mind… you just have to let go. So they can treat the next person like they have treated you. I just got to a point where I decided that I want to live an unbullshitafied life. I am strong, I am fierce, I am upset, I am hurt and I am angry that it took over a year for me to get any justice and feel safe again. But I won.. You only have control of these things in your life, the thoughts you think, the images you visualise and the actions you take. I took action, I never gave up fighting and I never will.

There is a woman reading this now, a woman who has tried her hardest to hold on to a relationship that is no longer worthy or her grip. That woman is tired of loving someone who refuses to love her back, there is a woman reading this now that needs to be reminded of how strong she has always been. Is that woman you? I believe you are strong enough to walk away from the abuse, move on with your life. This is a sign.. this was written for you. I hope you learn like I did to choose yourself because right now.. YOU deserve better YOU more than anybody else.

THE MAGIC WAND…

Hey Girls…

You know what is coming? Oh yes.. The WAND!

Sometimes my feelings become so strong they’re unmanageable. Sometimes, I’m so caught up in my emotions I can’t function before funneling my affections into something outside of myself. Sometimes I experience love to a degree that I have an unstoppable need to profess it in a letter. So this is a love letter to one of the most important and impactful members of my life… girls try it if you haven’t already! Normalise, sex toys and women touching themselves!

Dear Magic Wand,

I know today, more than any other day that I love you. Like most of us, I’ve heard stories about love at first sight and have spent most of my adult life deciding whether or not I believe it’s real. I can’t say that I fell in love when I first saw you. Instead I found myself hesitating… Intimidated and and thrown by an unexpected trepidation. No, for the two of us it wasn’t love at first sight but I became sure of the realness of a different kind of instantaneous attraction: Love at first touch.

From the moment I first allowed myself to indulge in the magnitude of your ability… From the second your soft, body-safe silicone head settled into the single most sensitive sections of me… From our instant of initial contact I knew I was feeling a depth of excitement, appreciation and euphoria I can only describe as love. It was love at first touch.

But fear not, my angel. It isn’t just the way you touch me that sends me to screaming elation. Our love isn’t so trivial. Our love isn’t so shallow. It runs deep in me and feels just as a part of me as my mind, my memories, my mood you calm so capably. It isn’t just a physical fixation I’ve found with you. It’s the way you make me feel as a woman.

You’ve awakened orgasmic experiences I thought only to be tall-tales told by tantric temptresses. You’ve unlocked a treasure trove of rapture and serenity. All four levels of your power have turned my once complacent body into a palace of impenetrable pleasure. Your consistency has cultivated my confidence. Your striking vibration patterns give me sexual passion. It was love at first and every single subsequent touch.

Thank you for changing me in the best way I could imagine. And thanks for all the O’s. I’ll see you tonight.

Love,Soph

Girls buy yourself a magic wand, I promise you, you will not feel let down! Ann Summers, Love Honey! Invest in you!

No person has ever been able to deliver the type of orgasmic experience that my wand and I shared. It satisfied my sexual needs efficiently and effectively, and continues to everyday, no matter my relationship status. This isn’t to say my boyfriend doesn’t get work done in the sack. He does. Quite well. And lucky for me, he not only satisfies me sexually, but also fulfills my mental, emotional, practical and recreational needs. Just like my magic wand his aptitude for pleasing me. (I seem to have hit the jackpot with this one.) It only follows that I would want to merge these two positive influences in my life into one mind-blowing experience. So I decided maybe I would bring my Magic Wand into our bedroom activities. I must admit I was apprehensive. Would he be turned off? Intimidated? Threatened even? or maybe love it? Who knows stay tuned …

WHAT IS THE MOST INTIMATE ACT?

For me, it’s oral sex – sitting on a guy’s face. I wanted to say something more profound and deep – chatting all night, sharing my deepest secrets; nursing a lover back to health. But the minute I typed the question, the thought rummaged past my wondering desire to drink decaf coffee. Up close to someone’s ‘private parts’ – it’s surely a contender for the most intimate act – at least physical?

One person is in control; it’s a selfless thing to do in a vulnerable position. With sex, you’re both hopefully experiencing pleasure, swerving between how you feel and what they’re doing. Watching a person put aside their own needs to sexually fulfil you however – that’s such an open, power play.

  • A true act of intimacy must be when silence can linger. That’s why I’m not particularly fond of first dates at restaurants. Between glancing at menus, waiting for food and actually eating (the worst is listening to bread being crunched), it’s like you have to comprise 100 questions to keep chat going. If you can sit and walk with someone and not say a word – you’ll know your bond is close. More so if you stare at one another’s eyes.

Do we agree?? What’s your thoughts on intimacy ? Your favourite intimate act?

Get involved –

Rules About Morning Sex

Hi All,

I hope you are well?

So this has been saved in my drafts for a good while and I thought I would share. If you cringe I am sorry.

I love sex. Sex at ANY time of day is just fine, as far as I’m concerned. But there’s one part of sex that I really don’t appear to have figured out that well yet, though …

Morning sex.

I get that we are going to have different morning priorities here, but there are some factors that are non-negotiable for me. So, I decided to write down the unspoken rules of morning sex.

1 – WAKE HER UP BUT BE NICE ABOUT IT.

If you’re gonna do it, do it nicely. Caress her neck with your fingers, kiss her collarbone, twirl your tongue around her nipples …

Stabbing her in the small of the back with your morning wood is not going to make her wet. Nor will poking and prodding away with your fingers at her sore vagina, caused by the great sex you had last night.

Which brings me nicely to my next point… 

2 – POKING & PRODDIN’ AIN’T GONNA WORK.

Right, if you’ve had sex the night before, or even a couple of nights before, there’s a good chance her vagina is still going to be a bit sore. It’s probably swollen and still stings a bit. That means it is sensitive. Super sensitive. If you’re going to gently caress her to orgasm in the morning light, please do it gently. Sticking a finger in and wiggling it around hurts. Gently circling her clit with your lubricated (spit) fingertip doesn’t hurt. Think about it.

3 – IT’LL TAKE A WHILE TO GET HER JUICES FLOWING.

In the morning, it takes a while for most things to happen. I’m never fully awake before a cup of tea. I can’t function properly at work until I’ve had that first cup of coffee. I have a system: wake up, drink tea, go to work, have coffee, be human. That’s how it goes.

If you try and make her do stuff before that system of events has happened, it’s not going to go right. In the morning, if you try to have sex with her, you need to work that little bit harder before she is wet enough to proceed. Do you get me? Be prepared to play around for a little while longer. If it’s not wet yet, don’t put it in yet. Simples.

4 – DON’T GO DOWN …

…if you came inside her the night before. This has actually happened to me on a benderific night out. He went to help lubricate things along the next morning, with his tongue, only to be met by that smell: you + him after a night of rampant fucking.

Come on, guys, you know what I’m talking about here. It’s him mixed with her after it’s been left to mix together all night in the sweaty crevice between her legs. It’s gross. To me it is, anyway. Some guys say they don’t care about licking their own semen, but with that stench, both are going to be embarrassed if it actually happens. Do yourself a favour and just don’t even try to go anywhere down near that region. Anything below the nipples is going to make her squirm uncomfortably, scared that you’re going to get a good whiff.

Oh, and alongside cunnilingus, anal sex is most definitely NOT COOL first thing in the morning. Not for me. No, thank you.

5 – PEE FIRST.

Guys, you know you can’t climax until after you’ve peed in the morning. You’ll be hard for hours, but I know it’s the wrong kinda hard. Just get up and pee first (if you get the chance). It only takes a couple of minutes. Pretty please.

6 – HOURS = NOT FUN.

If you think that going for hours is fun first thing in the morning, think again.

Firstly, you’ve probably got shit to do.

Secondly, after a while, she is going to go dry and it’s going to start hurting. Once again, this is even more so the case if you had sex last night and she is still swollen and sore.

Thirdly, you won’t climax because you didn’t go and pee first.

Anyway, after about half an hour of straight-wakeup-morning sex, you are going to be gagging for a drink… well I usually am.

7 – NO FACE TO FACE.

Morning breath. It’s disgusting. Don’t talk to. Don’t breathe in the same direction. Don’t try to kiss her lips. Don’t come anywhere near her or with that putrid smell coming out of you. She will try and avoid doing the same.

Spooning is one of the only acceptable positions for morning sex [for me]. Doggy is a bit too dirty. Cowgirl is a bit risky because I probably don’t look that great with my squinty eyes and cray-cray hair. Definitely not missionary position. That’s too close. Reverse cowgirl is a bit dodgy (think of the morning farts), and being bent over the bed is also terribly questionable.

Stick with spooning – it’s the safest option.

(Unless you’re gonna get up and brush your teeth first, and make me brush mine too. Then we’re good with missionary. Honestly though, who’s prepared enough for that? I never remember to have mints next to the bed for when I have company even though I keep telling myself I’ll be that prepared.)

8 – THERE’S GONNA BE STUBBLE – ACCEPT IT.

If she shaved for you last night there’s a good chance that there will be stubble by the time you get around to the second sitting in the morning. Don’t talk about it. Don’t draw her attention to it. Don’t even react to it. Get used to it. Accept it. The more you sleep with us, the worse it’ll get. Long-term-relationshipper’s can go months without shaving their legs or bikini lines. Ask them. But for me I shave weekly or when I know I am getting it.

9 – SHE IS NOT GONNA LOOK PRETTY – ACCEPT IT. 

Honestly, I’m hideous in the morning. My hair is standing up all over the place, there’s a good chance I’ve got panda eyes because I didn’t take my makeup off last night as I’m lazy, my face is all puffy when I first wake up, and I’ve got a badass attitude with a mouth and scowl to match it.

Why would you want to sexy up with that beast?

I’m not pretty first thing in the morning. I’m pretty about an hour after I wake up, once I’ve showered, washed, dried and styled my hair, and slapped on enough makeup to impress a TOWIE regular. Oh, and I’ve had a cup of tea/coffee.

So accept she is not going to be looking her best!

10 – CUPPA TEA.

The only way to end morning sex is with a cup of tea. You get in that kitchen and make her tea. She will love you for the rest of the day. Strong but with enough milk to make it drinkable almost straight away, please, and with two sugars 😉

You survived another sex post! Well done you! Now get practising.

Peace, Love and Gin xoxo

the importance of space in a relationship.

Whenever I’m in a relationship, I’ve always found the concept of you do your thing, I do mine and we meet in the middle. Don’t get me wrong, one of the most amazing things about being with someone is actually being with that someone and spending quality time together. But I cannot stress enough how much I love spending time with me, myself and I (no vibrator puns please, you cheeky lot). But it is soo important you give your partner space, this is the key to long lasting relationships.

Why is she harping on about this you may be wondering?

If someone had shown me this subtitle a couple of years ago, I would have closed the browser. To me, relationships were all about closeness. Space was almost a dirty word — one that’s usually used right before a breakup: “I need some space right now, so maybe we should stop seeing each other for a while.”

But now I realise that personal space is as important for our relationships as air is for our bodies.

We all need time to relax, to engage in activities that we enjoy outside common interests and to associate with other important people in our life. Space is also absolutely essential for individual growth and personal development.

But perhaps the best part of personal space is that it reignites the magic in a relationship. Interactions between you and your partner become much more interesting.

You are genuinely excited to see each other after a little time apart. Something in the air feels like those early dating days. Suddenly, you can really feel the love and not just the attachment.

We all know that relationships are complicated. However, they are also the most rewarding and worthwhile parts of our lives. They are well worth the effort they invariable require.

It isn’t always easy to tell your partner that you need more space — whether that’s an evening alone, a vacation with your girlfriends, a room of your own or simply permission to make a decision without his/her input. On the flip side, it can be just as hard to give space when your partner asks for it.

Think of it as a long-term investment. When space is taken out of the equation, all that remains is commitment. Are you willing to settle for a relationship devoid of passion and excitement? Few of us are. The good news is we don’t have to settle!

Take the chance, for both yourself and your partner. Give each other room to be unique individuals who bring different things to the relationship.

Give each other permission to enjoy this gift of life not only together, but also separately. Give each other some space, and you will be rewarded with a love that’s more passionate, more powerful, and more deeply, intensely alive.

I only see my partner once/twice a week due to work commitments and giving each other space to do things, we have been dating for a year, together officially 5 months and it feels so fresh. When we do see each other it is the most magical moment and we appreciate the time together more. But for the love of God, please don’t ever become one of those couples who is so self-reliant on their partner that they forget how awesome it is having ones own space and seeing their friends. Date nights are also important in a relationship but I will touch on this with another blog post.

Anyway for now, Peace, Love and Gin xoxo