I am A Difficult Woman – But I love Being A Difficult Woman

Females are secretly celebrated in society for being kind, gentle and delicate, any sign of weakness and a woman is usually taken advantage of. Though I haven’t mastered the art of saying no and standing up for every belief, I am developing the strength of a difficult woman. I’m beginning to stop letting others voice their opinions, I’m growing weary of one-sided friendships. A difficult woman is inspirational. History celebrates women like Marilyn Monroe who fought her studio bosses and Elizabeth I who refused to marry and give away her power. Women who go for want they want and defy anyone who tells them they can’t. It’s the ultimate female empowerment description. Why is it still negative for women to possess such levels of ambition?

Being a difficult woman doesn’t mean I’m not nice or thoughtful. It doesn’t mean I don’t take pleasure in cooking for a man or taking care of them. Growing up quiet and unable to handle confrontation, I felt taken for granted by my closest friends. Going out of my way to visit them, attending their activities when they found excuses for not agreeing to mine.

A couple of years ago, I cancelled out relationships and started putting my thoughts first. I spent my early Teens always worrying about men and whether I’d find a husband and someone willing to love me. Now I realise the shortness of my time and the need to put my dreams first. I am a difficult woman. I’m not 100% there and have a way to go before I master business. Yet I continue to voice my opinions, follow the path I want and not let my natural kindness stand in my way.

I have gone through shit and come out smelling of roses, I have kept my head held high when situations have been tough, I have confronted people who I didn’t think I would ever cross. Being a strong woman does not define who you are!

Difficult women answer back. Difficult women make themselves heard. They don’t back down. They’re loud. They challenge the status quo. They’re not all that easily pleased. They hustle. They’re the ones who get called headstrong (ugh). In men, similar traits are called, variously: ambition, drive, discernment. Think about it. When, pray tell, was the last time you heard a man get called difficult? Being difficult is really “another way of saying female and ‘brave enough to express the full range of one’s humanity.’ ”

Once upon a time, I used to think it was purely a compliment to be called “nice.” “But you’re so nice,” someone might say: “I can’t ever imagine you getting into an argument.” Or, “I can’t ever imagine you having a dark side,” or, “I can’t imagine you writing a book with a murder in it.” I’m sure the people who said it always meant well. But actually what they were doing was putting me into a box. Because society loves its boxes. Women, in particular, are often categorized as one thing or the other. You’re a nice woman. Or you’re . . . difficult.

Difficult women are “ambitious and bold, adventurous and emotional, brainy and defiant, incorrigible and outlandish, determined and badass.” They are about pleasing themselves as much as those around them. They don’t say yes simply because it is expected of them. As a result, they might put a few backs up, but they end up getting what they really want. (As a side note: You can guarantee that difficult women have better sex.)

Really, we should be allowed to be both “nice” and “difficult.” We’re not necessarily one thing or the other—we are all made up of many different and often contradictory, conflicting parts. And it’s definitely true that the world could do with people being a bit nicer to each other. So this isn’t to bash “niceness,” per se—but it is to say don’t be nice at the expense of your sense of self-worth. Difficult women never do that—and that’s why I love them. Because being difficult is also, crucially, about loving yourself.

I Am The Ultimate Judge Of Myself No One Else Is! Self Love Is The Goal

I AM THE ULTIMATE JUDGE OF MYSELF – NO ONE ELSE IS! I can only control my behavior and actions. I need to LOVE ME!

Self love is so important. Because when you’re all alone and it’s 3 am and you’re crying, who’s going to be there for you?obviously yourself. You have to pick yourself up and find the strength to carry on, at the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got.

The whole self love thing is good and all but some people can’t fathom being loved. They can’t imagine there being anything good about them. So they can’t simply just stop doing unhealthy things, there’s a process. 

Before self love you have to have self tolerance and self neutrality. 
If you can’t say “I love my body!” say “my body gets me from place to place.”
If you can’t say “I’m beautiful,” begin by shutting down the “I’m ugly” thoughts and saying “I’m a person.”
If you can’t say “I’m valuable” begun by shutting down the “I’m worthless” thoughts and say “all people deserve basic respect, and I’m a person.”

If you can’t say “I’m important,” or “I’m kind” say “I am the one who waters my plant every week” or “I am the one who tips the kind bartender down the street” or “I am the one who makes sure my dog does not eat plastic” or “I am the one who leaves long comments on people’s posts.”

You can be kind, be gentle, be loving, be inspiring, but refuse to let anyone walk over you. Find your worth, and after you do, you’ll start holding yourself up to a higher standard.

This will cause you to start holding people up to a higher standard than you’ve ever done because you know you deserve more than what has been given to you in the past.

You can be kind but be nasty against anything that will bring you down. You can be loving but detest hate. You can be inspiring but be uninspired by anything that does that match to your level.

But most importantly, be kind to yourself. Be gentle to yourself. Be loving to yourself. Inspire yourself. You’ve been through alot. You’ve learned alot of valuable lessons and you’ll learn even more. You’re strong and capable of anything you put yourself up to. You’re everything you need.

Your life speaks louder than your voice ever can. How we live and how we treat people is who we really are – not the things we claim to do or be. Let how you live your life be a testament to who you really are.

I will tell you again and again:

Choose the life you want and run in that direction.

Don’t settle for anything else.

Trust the next chapter because you are the author.

How I improved My Mental Health

I have made a list of things I have done to improve my mental health, similar to self care tips but a little different! Some of these were easy to do, others it took time, but I made it happen and I have benefited ever since.

While there are many ways your family and friends can support you in improving your mental health, you should be self sustainable as well. Implement use of some of the things I did and you will notice a decrease in anxiety, decrease in depressive symptoms and an improvement in mindfulness. 

STARTED JOURNALING AND BLOGGING

I was gifted a creativity journal and I have adored it since I have gotten it. This journal helped improve my mindfulness and I was able to tap into my creative side! I started blogging which improved my confidence and ability to write everything down and share my stories with you all.

SELF REFERRAL TO THERAPY

I self referred myself to therapy, I am now undergoing severe PTSD Therapy with Somerset Talking Therapies and I cannot share with you enough how this has helped me have closure from very traumatic events.

THE greatest thing I could do to improve myself is acknowledge my need to grow and develop further. There were things from my past that I needed to process and I needed to be held accountable for my inconsistent and unhealthy boundaries with others.

I needed to learn things that would align me better within my career and allow me to function higher within society.

SET BOUNDARIES

Learning to say “no” was one of the hardest things I had to do. It was absolutely necessary to learn to set healthy boundaries for my mental health. I would over exert myself and do work that was not mine. I would allow individuals to take what should have been a strength and turn it into a weakness.

AKE A MENTAL HEALTH DAY

Last year,  I made sure to take a day here and there to myself for myself. I did not explain anything to anyone and just switched my phone off and had a pamper day. I now do this weekly, it is the greatest thing you can do to take time for your mind to repair and breath. It took a few times before I finally got the hang of taking a day off without guilt. However, I now look forward to sleeping in, going to therapy and meditating. 

DETOXED MY SOCIAL MEDIA

A little different than taking time away from social media, I went through my personal social media accounts daily and purged it. If I saw someone posting negativity or things that did not align with my vision, they were deleted and occasionally blocked. To this day, I still do this (I have way too many friends) and I love seeing it less and less. 

ALLOWED PEOPLE TO CUT ME OFF AND VICE VERSA

I would try so hard to keep people in my life that were not meant to be in it. It took them doing me so wrong or cutting me off. I became open to being the villain in someone’s story and accepting what I could have done differently in relationships/friendships.

SET GOALS

Similar to setting goals for my professional life I began setting goals for my mental health. Just as I would set my sights on receiving more certifications, I would also set a goal to meditate or journal more. From month to month, I would begin to implement good habits to overcome the bad ones and improve my mental health. 

ACCEPT MY IMPERFECTIONS

One of the things I’ve done to improve my mental health is to accept myself “flaws and all”. Where I once saw blemishes in appearance, inadequacies in performance, I now see that I am where I need to be at this point in my life. While there is always room to grow, I am sure to reward myself for how far I have come. I am sure to acknowledge the beauty inside and out, that others see so easily. 

FOCUSED ON WHERE I AM

I get so worked up into where I want to be that I – at times- forget about where I am. I love having goals and achieving them, I mean who doesn’t. I just needed to really focus on where I am to not only accomplish a goal but to soak in all I could so that I could avoid mistakes, educate others and realise if I liked doing what I wanted or not. 

READ MORE BOOKS

I read so many books when I was younger and needed to get back in tune with it. Not just to be mindful but to escape and go into a world that I imagined myself. Lately, I have incorporated self help, personal development, mental health and autobiographies into my reading list.

GOING FOR DAILY WALKS IN THE EVENING

I have recently started doing this and honestly my mind is so clear, after each day I am going for a 3 mile walk and unwinding after a busy day.

I suffered really bad at the start of 2020 with really bad depression and anxiety, I rigged myself out of it and I have come out of the other end. I hope sharing my stories, opinions and tips will help you improve yours. Remember YOU need to do this for YOU!

All My Love,

Peace, Love and Gin xoxo

Self Care Essentials During Lockdown

Hi All, I hope you are well?

With Mental Health being a massive crisis during lockdown, I thought I would gather some self care essentials to help you throughout lockdown. It isn’t for everyone but I promise if you try these, you will be feeling better than what you were and it will help your routine.

ESSENTIAL OILS

Essential oils are a must have self care essential, I mean it says it in the name! I have a few favorite scents and I have come to realize that i associate them all with an activity and what they are meant for.For example, when I am writing blog post I have peppermint and rosemary in my diffuser ready to keep me on task while making my room smell amazing! 

BOOKS

One way that I not only motivate myself but also remind myself of how great I am is by reading inspirational books. I love to read in general, but on my really chill days I love to pick up my book on quotes from great women or affirmations (that I probably should have been saying all week long lol).

BATH ESSENTIALS

If you have not been able to take a GOOD and NICE relaxing bubble bath in a while, you are missing out! Courtesy of the quarantine of 2020 I formed many good habits, bubble baths being one of them. I would listen to music on my speaker, place my mask on and let the aroma of the bath soothe me. This is a must to add to your self care essentials that you simple cannot do with out! It’s super affordable and last forever- seriously I have a bottle from April STILL!

COMFY PAJAMAS/SOCKS

There is no better way to spend your self care day than in your most comfy of clothes which is why I had to include them in the list of self care essentials. Personally, I could wear shorts and a tee but I know for others the clothes have to be top notch. I love comfy, fuzzy socks! There is just something about giving yourself a pedicure, moisturizing and sliding on comfy socks as a finishing touch that make me go “ahhh”.

WEIGHTED BLANKET

For guys that have difficulty relaxing even when you have planned time for yourself, this may be most beneficial. The weighted blanket adds that sense of security, anxiety reducing, stress relieving feeling that we all could benefit from.

MUSIC

It is super essential for your self care to have music! Your playlist should include music that is motivating and uplifting.

JOURNAL

Okay, okay don’t hurt me but I will not get off of my journal fandom!! I would do you a disservice if I were not to mention this amazing self care essential item. I have many journals I like to use for different reasons. I have one journal for therapy notes, another for thoughts (day to day use) and another for goal setting. I have also used one in the past that was specifically for improving my self care routine.

MASKS

Invest in some face masks, hair masks, eye masks and foot masks… have a pamper night!

Self care is so important and yet we all fall short of taking the best care of ourselves. Those are some of my tips to help you throughout Lockdown,

Learn To Love Yourself.

Hi Guys,

Now we are heading into the New year, I thought I would write a blog post on How To Love Yourself. Learn to love yourself more when we go into 2021.

Your love will keep you warm on days when everything feels cold, from a cup of hot coffee to your best friend’s touch. It will let you take a break and stop you from being too hard on yourself and make you believe that you are more than your terrible past and failed relationships. Loving yourself will soothe your back gently while you face your fears and not let your anxiety win and buy you an ice-cream on a bad day and applaud at every little step you take forward. 

Your love will keep your heart pumping with happiness and not let any negative thought invade your beautiful mind. When you sing your favourite songs and dance your heart out your eyes shine the brightest. It will make you realise that you are enough and as long as you have your own back, nothing can stop you from conquering the world. Your love will teach you to not be just kind to others but to yourself too. it will tell you how to love right. 

To love yourself the way you love others, You need to follow these steps.

Distance yourself from the people that make you feel like you’re not good enough. You know deep down in your heart if someone isn’t good for you, so live your truth. 

You slowly stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own journey, and you could be comparing your life to someone you know nothing about. Live your own life at your own pace. Live life on your own terms. Remember no one knows what happens behind closed doors.

You learn how to be kind to yourself. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t let one negative thought become the way you feel about yourself. Try your very best to turn a negative into a positive; and watch how quickly your mindset can change. 

You take care of yourself. Go for more walks, or find something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel good about yourself, something that makes you come home to yourself, and try and do it a few times a week. Try to turn toxic habits into new ones that are good for you and your mind. 

You start to deeply think about the people you spend time with. Are they toxic? Do they bring you down? Do you feel like you are worth more than the way they make you feel? It might be time to evaluate the kind of people you are surrounding yourself with and align yourself with people that lift you up and appreciate you. 

You unfollow people on social media that make you feel like you need to look a certain way or you are constantly comparing yourself to. It’s not weak. It’s called seIf-preservation, and it’s powerful. 

You learn how to stand up for yourself. Take control of a situation when you feel like you are being taken advantage of. It might be uncomfortable at first, but once you start to stand up for yourself you will learn to respect yourself so much more over time. 

You understand that loving yourself is a process. It’s not going to happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself the time you need to heal and grow to love who you are on the inside and on the outside. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of the person you are becoming.

If you need any more tips you can comment/ email me annonymously.

All my love,

Peace, Love and Gin Xoxox

One Thing You Are Most Proud Of Yourself, From This Shitty Year?

So I recently made a question on my Instagram story “ONE THING YOU ARE MOST PROUD OF YOURSELF, FROM THIS SHITTY YEAR?” and asked my followers to write back with what they are proud of. I thought I would turn this into a blog post so we can look back at others achievements.

“Promotion and new house”

“Buying a house and new job at Hinkley”

“Met the best girl ever”

“Moved out and new job”

“Going to be a nan for the first time this year”

“Starting college and passing my course”

“Watching my son grow and starting FM to earn some extra cash for Christmas”

“Becoming a mummy to my beautiful girl”

“Getting my own little photography venture”

“Leaving a toxic relationship”

“Had my little girl”

“Pushing through losing my dad”

“My Son”

“Started saving and improving my credit score further”

“Becoming a better version of myself”

“Saving Money”

What am I most proud of? My family, partner, friends and myself surviving 2020 and being healthy. What are you most proud of? let me know, I would love to hear.

Peace, Love and Gin Xoxox