THE MAGIC WAND…

Hey Girls…

You know what is coming? Oh yes.. The WAND!

Sometimes my feelings become so strong they’re unmanageable. Sometimes, I’m so caught up in my emotions I can’t function before funneling my affections into something outside of myself. Sometimes I experience love to a degree that I have an unstoppable need to profess it in a letter. So this is a love letter to one of the most important and impactful members of my life… girls try it if you haven’t already! Normalise, sex toys and women touching themselves!

Dear Magic Wand,

I know today, more than any other day that I love you. Like most of us, I’ve heard stories about love at first sight and have spent most of my adult life deciding whether or not I believe it’s real. I can’t say that I fell in love when I first saw you. Instead I found myself hesitating… Intimidated and and thrown by an unexpected trepidation. No, for the two of us it wasn’t love at first sight but I became sure of the realness of a different kind of instantaneous attraction: Love at first touch.

From the moment I first allowed myself to indulge in the magnitude of your ability… From the second your soft, body-safe silicone head settled into the single most sensitive sections of me… From our instant of initial contact I knew I was feeling a depth of excitement, appreciation and euphoria I can only describe as love. It was love at first touch.

But fear not, my angel. It isn’t just the way you touch me that sends me to screaming elation. Our love isn’t so trivial. Our love isn’t so shallow. It runs deep in me and feels just as a part of me as my mind, my memories, my mood you calm so capably. It isn’t just a physical fixation I’ve found with you. It’s the way you make me feel as a woman.

You’ve awakened orgasmic experiences I thought only to be tall-tales told by tantric temptresses. You’ve unlocked a treasure trove of rapture and serenity. All four levels of your power have turned my once complacent body into a palace of impenetrable pleasure. Your consistency has cultivated my confidence. Your striking vibration patterns give me sexual passion. It was love at first and every single subsequent touch.

Thank you for changing me in the best way I could imagine. And thanks for all the O’s. I’ll see you tonight.

Love,Soph

Girls buy yourself a magic wand, I promise you, you will not feel let down! Ann Summers, Love Honey! Invest in you!

No person has ever been able to deliver the type of orgasmic experience that my wand and I shared. It satisfied my sexual needs efficiently and effectively, and continues to everyday, no matter my relationship status. This isn’t to say my boyfriend doesn’t get work done in the sack. He does. Quite well. And lucky for me, he not only satisfies me sexually, but also fulfills my mental, emotional, practical and recreational needs. Just like my magic wand his aptitude for pleasing me. (I seem to have hit the jackpot with this one.) It only follows that I would want to merge these two positive influences in my life into one mind-blowing experience. So I decided maybe I would bring my Magic Wand into our bedroom activities. I must admit I was apprehensive. Would he be turned off? Intimidated? Threatened even? or maybe love it? Who knows stay tuned …

WHAT IS THE MOST INTIMATE ACT?

For me, it’s oral sex – sitting on a guy’s face. I wanted to say something more profound and deep – chatting all night, sharing my deepest secrets; nursing a lover back to health. But the minute I typed the question, the thought rummaged past my wondering desire to drink decaf coffee. Up close to someone’s ‘private parts’ – it’s surely a contender for the most intimate act – at least physical?

One person is in control; it’s a selfless thing to do in a vulnerable position. With sex, you’re both hopefully experiencing pleasure, swerving between how you feel and what they’re doing. Watching a person put aside their own needs to sexually fulfil you however – that’s such an open, power play.

  • A true act of intimacy must be when silence can linger. That’s why I’m not particularly fond of first dates at restaurants. Between glancing at menus, waiting for food and actually eating (the worst is listening to bread being crunched), it’s like you have to comprise 100 questions to keep chat going. If you can sit and walk with someone and not say a word – you’ll know your bond is close. More so if you stare at one another’s eyes.

Do we agree?? What’s your thoughts on intimacy ? Your favourite intimate act?

Get involved –

Rules About Morning Sex

Hi All,

I hope you are well?

So this has been saved in my drafts for a good while and I thought I would share. If you cringe I am sorry.

I love sex. Sex at ANY time of day is just fine, as far as I’m concerned. But there’s one part of sex that I really don’t appear to have figured out that well yet, though …

Morning sex.

I get that we are going to have different morning priorities here, but there are some factors that are non-negotiable for me. So, I decided to write down the unspoken rules of morning sex.

1 – WAKE HER UP BUT BE NICE ABOUT IT.

If you’re gonna do it, do it nicely. Caress her neck with your fingers, kiss her collarbone, twirl your tongue around her nipples …

Stabbing her in the small of the back with your morning wood is not going to make her wet. Nor will poking and prodding away with your fingers at her sore vagina, caused by the great sex you had last night.

Which brings me nicely to my next point… 

2 – POKING & PRODDIN’ AIN’T GONNA WORK.

Right, if you’ve had sex the night before, or even a couple of nights before, there’s a good chance her vagina is still going to be a bit sore. It’s probably swollen and still stings a bit. That means it is sensitive. Super sensitive. If you’re going to gently caress her to orgasm in the morning light, please do it gently. Sticking a finger in and wiggling it around hurts. Gently circling her clit with your lubricated (spit) fingertip doesn’t hurt. Think about it.

3 – IT’LL TAKE A WHILE TO GET HER JUICES FLOWING.

In the morning, it takes a while for most things to happen. I’m never fully awake before a cup of tea. I can’t function properly at work until I’ve had that first cup of coffee. I have a system: wake up, drink tea, go to work, have coffee, be human. That’s how it goes.

If you try and make her do stuff before that system of events has happened, it’s not going to go right. In the morning, if you try to have sex with her, you need to work that little bit harder before she is wet enough to proceed. Do you get me? Be prepared to play around for a little while longer. If it’s not wet yet, don’t put it in yet. Simples.

4 – DON’T GO DOWN …

…if you came inside her the night before. This has actually happened to me on a benderific night out. He went to help lubricate things along the next morning, with his tongue, only to be met by that smell: you + him after a night of rampant fucking.

Come on, guys, you know what I’m talking about here. It’s him mixed with her after it’s been left to mix together all night in the sweaty crevice between her legs. It’s gross. To me it is, anyway. Some guys say they don’t care about licking their own semen, but with that stench, both are going to be embarrassed if it actually happens. Do yourself a favour and just don’t even try to go anywhere down near that region. Anything below the nipples is going to make her squirm uncomfortably, scared that you’re going to get a good whiff.

Oh, and alongside cunnilingus, anal sex is most definitely NOT COOL first thing in the morning. Not for me. No, thank you.

5 – PEE FIRST.

Guys, you know you can’t climax until after you’ve peed in the morning. You’ll be hard for hours, but I know it’s the wrong kinda hard. Just get up and pee first (if you get the chance). It only takes a couple of minutes. Pretty please.

6 – HOURS = NOT FUN.

If you think that going for hours is fun first thing in the morning, think again.

Firstly, you’ve probably got shit to do.

Secondly, after a while, she is going to go dry and it’s going to start hurting. Once again, this is even more so the case if you had sex last night and she is still swollen and sore.

Thirdly, you won’t climax because you didn’t go and pee first.

Anyway, after about half an hour of straight-wakeup-morning sex, you are going to be gagging for a drink… well I usually am.

7 – NO FACE TO FACE.

Morning breath. It’s disgusting. Don’t talk to. Don’t breathe in the same direction. Don’t try to kiss her lips. Don’t come anywhere near her or with that putrid smell coming out of you. She will try and avoid doing the same.

Spooning is one of the only acceptable positions for morning sex [for me]. Doggy is a bit too dirty. Cowgirl is a bit risky because I probably don’t look that great with my squinty eyes and cray-cray hair. Definitely not missionary position. That’s too close. Reverse cowgirl is a bit dodgy (think of the morning farts), and being bent over the bed is also terribly questionable.

Stick with spooning – it’s the safest option.

(Unless you’re gonna get up and brush your teeth first, and make me brush mine too. Then we’re good with missionary. Honestly though, who’s prepared enough for that? I never remember to have mints next to the bed for when I have company even though I keep telling myself I’ll be that prepared.)

8 – THERE’S GONNA BE STUBBLE – ACCEPT IT.

If she shaved for you last night there’s a good chance that there will be stubble by the time you get around to the second sitting in the morning. Don’t talk about it. Don’t draw her attention to it. Don’t even react to it. Get used to it. Accept it. The more you sleep with us, the worse it’ll get. Long-term-relationshipper’s can go months without shaving their legs or bikini lines. Ask them. But for me I shave weekly or when I know I am getting it.

9 – SHE IS NOT GONNA LOOK PRETTY – ACCEPT IT. 

Honestly, I’m hideous in the morning. My hair is standing up all over the place, there’s a good chance I’ve got panda eyes because I didn’t take my makeup off last night as I’m lazy, my face is all puffy when I first wake up, and I’ve got a badass attitude with a mouth and scowl to match it.

Why would you want to sexy up with that beast?

I’m not pretty first thing in the morning. I’m pretty about an hour after I wake up, once I’ve showered, washed, dried and styled my hair, and slapped on enough makeup to impress a TOWIE regular. Oh, and I’ve had a cup of tea/coffee.

So accept she is not going to be looking her best!

10 – CUPPA TEA.

The only way to end morning sex is with a cup of tea. You get in that kitchen and make her tea. She will love you for the rest of the day. Strong but with enough milk to make it drinkable almost straight away, please, and with two sugars 😉

You survived another sex post! Well done you! Now get practising.

Peace, Love and Gin xoxo

the battle with contraceptives

Hi everyone!

I hope you’re all doing well today.

So, today I’m doing a blog that’s a little bit different – I’m talking about contraception, and more specifically, the pill Rigevidon and the implant. I thought I would do this post because I know that 99% of my readers are female, and a lot of you are either on the pill or implant, or looking to go on contraception.

What is Rigevidon?

It’s a combined, oral contraceptive pill. There’s 21 pills in each pack, and you take one every day for 21 days and then have a 7 day break which is when you get your period. It contains 2 types of female sex hormones, an oestrogen called ethinylestradiol and a progesterone called levonorgestrel.

It works by stopping your ovaries releasing an egg each month, it also thickens the fluid in your cervix meaning it’s more difficult for sperm to reach the egg, and it also alters the lining of the womb meaning that it’s less likely to accept a fertilised egg.

Are there any side effects?

Any medication or fake hormones you put into your body has possible side effects. The potential side effects of Rigevidon are aching boobs, irregular bleeding, feeling sick (nausea), gaining weight and headaches. There is also a risk of acne and changes in sexdrive, and also depression.

What side effects have I experienced?

I suffered from severe depression and occasional headaches. My skin suffered from major break outs and I gained weight (which I needed to)

What are the serious risks?

Breast cancer has been recorded slightly more in women who take the contraceptive pill, as has blood clots.

Would I recommend it?

Of course, everyone’s body is different and will react different, I’d recommend researching before deciding what pill to take or what contraceptive.

What Contraceptive am I on?

I am not on Regividon, I use to take the pill called YASMIN however it had been giving me severe distress and anxiety. I currently only take the YASMIN pill fortnightly, this is done at my own risk but I am undergoing PTSD and CBT Therapy and trying to get back into the swing of taking the pill regularly. I do not want little Sophs running around just yet.

Okay… now what about the Implant?

My friend had it and loved it; you have it changed once every 3 years and don’t have to think about it at all. When it’s first put in, you get light bruising and a sore arm but that’s a small price to pay for only having to think about something every 3 years. This is a very difficult piece for me to write because it’s extremely personal to my closest friend and not the sort of thing I usually write – but ( We both felt ) We needed to share it, to educate people and also because I’ve never experienced the implant so I can’t write from that point of view.

“Within the first week, I had changed completely. I was verging on suicidal, having the darkest thoughts I had ever had in my life. I cried every single day, and the smallest thing made me fly off the handle and leave me in tears for hours.

About 2 weeks later, I felt better.
I thought my previous feelings had just been my body getting used to the implant and the new hormones being pumped continuously into my body. I was wrong.

This was the start of me becoming a monster. Anything was permissible for me to start an argument. I became excessively paranoid and anxious over everything, disgracefully jealous and a toxic person to be around. One minute I was on top of the world and feeling positive about everything and the next, I thought there was no point in being alive.

I went looking for arguments, just to release a small percentage of the anger and emotion pent up inside of me. Sometimes I would just be sitting at home and cry for absolutely no reason at all; ridiculous and unreasonable thoughts took over my brain and I began to believe they were true.

At first, I refused to believe it could be the cause of the implant. But then I realised who I was before I had it, and I was a shadow of my former self. I had morphed into a completely different person. I was still me, but my true personality had been masked by a vicious and argumentative person.

I feel the most sorry for my family, friends and boyfriend throughout all of this. They, especially my boyfriend, bore the brunt of my constant outbursts, searches for arguments and emotional tantrums.

But I couldn’t help it. I felt like my body had been taken over by some dark exterior force. I didn’t recognise myself and my behavior was absolutely out of control. I would tell myself that I was going to keep it at bay, that tomorrow was going to be different but it never was”

This isn’t a blog to say that the implant and pill are the worst thing in the world and no one should ever have it. I experienced the same reaction my friend did when I was on the pill, many other women have experienced the same, just as they have to other types of contraception.

It’s all dependent on your body’s make up and how you react to it. Each person is different, and I’m sure a lot of women love either the pill or the implant. But the pill isn’t for me, and I’ve had to learn to accept that.

I hope this has been helpful, and that if any of you reading this have gone through or are going through what me and my bestie have.. you aren’t alone and I completely understand what you’re going through.

I know what it’s like to have gone through this and I vividly remember what I felt like at my lowest point. Please, if you are having any worrying thoughts, speak to a loved one, and if you can’t, contact the Samaritans by either emailing them or calling them on 116123 , so they can be a fresh ear to listen to your problems and help you overcome the feelings you’re experiencing.

All my love, Peace, Love and Gin xox

Tips On Giving A Good Blow Job.

So as you all enjoyed my piece on giving your girlfriend the best head, I though I would try this…. Tips on giving a good blow job. I had some very interesting and positive feedback, I thought you guys would love this! Plus I’m one of those girls – you can talk to about most things.

I decided to write my tips of the trade down. You may even learn a trick or two! 

Here are my 5 tips on giving better blow jobs:

1 – PLENTY OF LUBRICATION 

One trick I have learned is that deep-throating the beautiful cock will often produce a certain amount of saliva in your mouth – the perfect trick for when you are starting to run dry. You do need to learn to control your gag reflex, of course, but once you’ve got that mastered, everything else will be a breeze. Once you’ve got plenty of juices flowing in your own mouth, let rip. Be sloppy. I haven’t met a guy yet that doesn’t like a sloppy blowjob. I’m not talking bad sloppy; I’m talking well-lubricated.

2 – MAKE SOME NOISE

The good thing to come from all of that extra lubrication is the noise-factor. “There is nothing more satisfying than the sound of a woman slurping on your dick.” This was a statement actually said to me by another male friend, and no; I’ve not sexually molested that one.

Noise doesn’t need to come from the slurping alone. Make gag noises when you duck further down onto his cock than you would like. It makes them feel like a real man – as though their dick is too big for you to handle. I don’t mean actually wretch and heave onto his manhood, but having the odd little gagging sound will go down a treat. When you combine this with a nice groan every once in a while, it sounds like you are getting into it just as much as they are.

Enthusiasm is key here, guys and girls. And remember guys, when you compliment her on the stuff she does well, she’ll do it again!  

5 Tips on Giving Better Blowjobs

3 – DON’T BE AFRAID TO LOOK RIGHT UP INTO HIS EYES

Now I’m not suggesting that you start pulling some freaky stalker-style staring with the third tip on giving better blowjobs, but when you are on your knees and your eyes are looking right at up him like a puppy, do you know what your man will see? The eyes of an angel performing the blowjob of all blowjobs. They like it. Nearly every man I’ve ever spoken to about this has said that not enough eye-contact is one of their biggest downers.

One thing I have learned in all my years of giving head is that guys don’t like it when you stare at them for too long, so try fleeting glances. They are trying to concentrate in much the same way as most girls need to concentrate… Just imagine how uncomfortable you would feel if someone were staring up at you while they eat you out.

4 – DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE BALLS

These poor little dudes often get left out and honestly, playing with his little chaps will be doing YOU a favour if you are smart about it. You know when your arm starts to hurt, and your mouth starts to get lockjaw? Rather than stopping altogether, give yourself a break and start to play with the balls instead. He’ll probably appreciate the change of pace, and it will look as if you are putting a proper effort into things, paying particular attention to all the places everyone else usually leaves out. You don’t even need to play with them for very long – I usually find popping them in my mouth and spending a couple of minutes attention on them normally does the trick, and by that point, all my aches and pains will have gone away! 

5 – DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET RIGHT INTO IT

He’s not going to care whether or not you are pulling a weird face because your mouth has been stretched open by his massive, throbbing cock. Get involved – make some noise, use your hands as well as your mouth, let your tongue do some of the work and, above all else, look as if you are enjoying it. Play with yourself at the same time if you really want to take things that one step further, and you could even consider just sitting on his face. I tend to use this idea when I’m feeling pretty lazy. I can’t be expected to give his package the full attention when he is working me so beautifully from beneath, right?

Plus you’ll look and feel like a porn star! 

Those are the five things that I would recommend you work into your next blowjob. what’s the point in doing it if you aren’t going to get REALLY into it? If you’re not going to enjoy it, or at least pretend to, I personally guarantee that he’s not going to have all that much fun! And neither will you 45 minutes later when you’re starting to go stiff and he still hasn’t cum!

Intimacy, But Not Sex… But An Orgasm

So it’s been a while and so much has happened, I have recently got into a relationship with someone new… YES I know… I am shocked too. I have been so busy with work and odd little bits but I am back. ……….

So many women complain that so many men don’t know how to do it, so either I’ve been super lucky with the men I’ve chosen to let into my underwear or I have some sort of radar that ensures I only go to bed with men who have great oral skills. Because, let me tell you, I have had many, many orgasms from a good ol’ session of oral sex. I figured that would give me plenty of experience when it comes to conveying what I like.

When you give a girl head, it needs to be about the entire experience. You can’t just dive south, head for her cunt and hope everything works as you want it to. A womans body works pretty well because they know what to do with it, but not even I can muster up an orgasm when the captain of my ship doesn’t have the right technique.

At the same time, I don’t really need an actual technique. A steady, lapping rhythm will often get me there eventually, and so will small circles made with the tip of your tongue around my clit, but a combination of these, mixed in with some clever finger-action and a bit of experimentation, and you’ll turn things from orgasm to O-O-O-O-ORGASM! And isn’t that just what you want to do?

THIS IS HOW TO GIVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND THE BEST HEAD OF HER LIFE..

So you should start by kissing the neck. That’ll make goosebumps erupt across her body so you’ll feel her excitement as you run your fingers up and down the raised and bumpy skin on her arms. Whisper the naughty little things you want to do to her in her ear, and let your breath tickle the hairs on the back of her neck. And then, when it’s very evident what your intentions are, place your hand on the base of her back and lead her to the bedroom. It’s a dominant, yet gentle move, all in one.

When you get to the bedroom, undress her slowly. Kiss her as you do so, passionately, intensely, deeply. Take a moment to dip your head and twirl your tongue around the nipple you’ll playfully release from her bra. The right tweaks and touches will leave her wetter than you could ever imagine.

Position her where you want her on the bed, wherever it’s easy and comfortable for you, and kiss your way down her stomach as you take off whatever clothes she is still wearing. Admire her, look at her, take in what you have in front of you. Make her believe you’re hungry for it. Kiss and bite at her flesh and use your hands to grasp and grab handfuls of it on her hips and her thighs. Bite her hip bones, really bite them. Leave a mark. Be dominant. She will want to know that you’re desperate to devour her, every single little part of her, all of the womanly flesh.

The more impatient you make her, the quicker it’ll be for you to make her come — and the more toe-curling it’ll be for her. Glide your hands all over her body as you get close enough to her clit for her to feel your breath, but far enough away that she whimpers a little with desperate wanting. Reach up to play with her nipples, pinch them, twist them a little, be rougher than you like with them. She likes it .

TAKE YOUR TIME WHEN YOU FINALLY GET THERE.

Make her work for it. Tease her. Play with her. Kiss and bite at her stomach, nibble and lick at her thighs, caress around her labia. Her lips are far more sensitive than most people give them credit for, and a slightly painful tug can leave her gushing all over your hand. If you bite and suck on them before, during, and after she will come, and love you forever for it. Oh, and don’t forget the kissing. Kiss her everywhere. Kiss her more.

YOUR ACTUAL ORAL TECHNIQUE ITSELF ISN’T OVERLY IMPORTANT.

Getting that rhythm right might seem like a big deal, but it’s not. Not to her. Her body is fairly easy to read and interpret. Her moans and groans will let you know when you’re doing things right and hitting the perfect spot, and if she is not squirming or squiggling because of your capable hands and mouth, try something else — switch it up. That’s the trick: experiment, try different things, don’t stick to what you know. Think outside the box. She will want you to find all of those spots she really likes … and then some she is not aware of yet.

Sooo, Push your fingers inside her as you’re licking her, one finger to start with. Arch it up, heading towards the top of her pelvis from within, and stroke that little fleshy section. It’s like rubbing the Genie’s lamp; magic things will happen if you do. Do it at the same time as drawing circles around her clit with your tongue and you’ll make her come in no time at all. You can speed things up by playing with her nipples.

IF YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT, YOU’LL START TO NOTICE A CHANGE IN HER BREATHING.

She will get louder and more ragged as that oh-so-fabulous O gets closer. Her hands will start to grasp at the sheets, at your hair, at everything and anything within reach. Her hips will start to move, swaying and bucking, trying to match the motion of your relentless tongue.

Use your tongue and drag it up and down the entirety of her pussy. Lick her ass too, if you like that kind of thing.

Just play with her. I can’t express that enough. Just play with her. Play with all of her. Use your hands to explore, squeeze and grab her body. Feel free to let your mouth go wild. Leave little bite marks on the insides of her thighs from where you get a little too carried away and bruises from grasping too hard. She will want to know that you want her, that you really want her, that her pussy is the only thing you want to be eating.

WHEN YOU THINK SHE IS GETTING CLOSE, BE PREPARED TO HOLD ON TIGHT.

If you continue to use your fingers inside her, maybe even adding a second digit to the mix, you’ll probably make her gush as you keep lapping at her clit. You’ll know when it’s coming because her back will arch. All of a sudden, she won’t be able to breathe. Her legs will start to violently shake. You’ll feel a flooding in your mouth — a very positive sign that you have done a very good job. And she will not want you to stop.

The bucking motion of her hips will start to slow down and as this happens, she will want you to slowly and lightly lick her clean. All the mess you just made, I want you to clean it up, softly, deliberately, carefully.. You just did that to her: the leg shaking and the hand-grasping and everything else that comes with making her come, so you should be smiling.

You need to be careful, though — careful and gentle. She will be super sensitive afterward and too much pressure anywhere near her pussy, especially her clit, will drive her insane. It’ll become too much. Too sensitive. No longer enjoyable.

BUT THEN SHE WILL WANT YOU TO HOLD HER.

She will want you to wrap your big arms around her and hold her close. Right there, at that moment, she bared her heart and soul to you. You had everything she had to offer. You had her entire body in your hands, doing the most intimate thing you can do to her, and she let you have it, all of it – the big bang.

But that’s how you give your girl the best head of her life. I hope I’ve given you enough tricks and tips to blow your partner’s mind. Don’t forget to come back and let me know either way! 

What’s the big deal with porn?

What’s the big deal with porn? My (female) friend was telling me that she’d found all this ‘weird’ porn on her boyfriend’s phone, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Firstly, who gets that upset about porn?

Secondly, when did porn become such a bad thing?

Thirdly, what the hell does ‘weird’ porn mean? I know what’s weird to me, but I wouldn’t imagine we (my relatively clean-cut female friend and I) have the same boundaries when it comes to porn … and sex for that matter.

Right okay, so it’s not weird porn that’s the problem here. It’s the fact that he’s actually watching porn. I didn’t realise women still got upset about that kind of thing … Isn’t porn so mainstream nowadays?

I gave it some thought, but that just opened up more questions than answers. I love porn. Just like most people I have my own personal preferences, and I wouldn’t exactly say I hide that kind of information from anyone. I’m not ashamed to watch porn.

I also think watching porn with your partner helps your sex life in the bedroom. Does that make me weird then? If I were to find porn on my partner’s phone, I wouldn’t get upset. I’d have a look through it and see what kind of thing he liked to watch, what gets him off in those moments where he thinks no one can find out.  I find it quite hot. 

Porn does have it’s negatives, I understand that. It gives people unrealistic ideas of what sex is like,  what the body is really like, blah blah blah. But it can be a good thing too, can’t it? I like to think I’ve learned a few tricks over the years from watching porn, and I’ve definitely tried new things on my own body because of something I saw in a blue movie once. I’m not embarrassed about it, it’s completely normal. People can judge, but I can guarantee their history has some porn in it.

So here’s the advice I *wish* I’d given to my friend but didn’t because I’m diplomatic and supportive and just listened and mmhmmm’d in the appropriate places instead:

Girl, get over yourself. He’s a guy, he has hormones, sometimes he wants to have a wank. It has no bearing on you, or how much he wants you. He can have a wank in the morning and still want to bed you that afternoon or night, or even ten minutes later. He can jerk off to other women on a TV screen and not be cheating on you. He can think about having sex with those women while he’s pumping his hand up and down because he’s not touching them. He’s jerking off, that’s it. What would you rather he did? Fucked someone else? I know you want to be the ONLY thing he’s thinking about while he’s yanking his chain, but come on.

I want Jared Leto as the Joker to come in one night, tie me to the bed and do unspeakable things to me, but it’s not cheating on your other half. It’s definitely not grounds for tears.

I believe that you need to pick your battles in life. Porn is not a battle you should fight, because it’s not one you will ever win. If you ban him from watching porn, he’ll watch it behind your back. He’ll find a way to watch it, even if it means deleting his history in future. He’ll just be more careful. He’ll take extra measures to make sure you don’t find out and at that point, he’s actually being deceitful and lying to you. That’s opening up a brand new can of worms.

Each to their own, I get that, but you can’t stop a man watching porn. Why would you even want to? It’s really not that big a deal.