the importance of space in a relationship.

Whenever I’m in a relationship, I’ve always found the concept of you do your thing, I do mine and we meet in the middle. Don’t get me wrong, one of the most amazing things about being with someone is actually being with that someone and spending quality time together. But I cannot stress enough how much I love spending time with me, myself and I (no vibrator puns please, you cheeky lot). But it is soo important you give your partner space, this is the key to long lasting relationships.

Why is she harping on about this you may be wondering?

If someone had shown me this subtitle a couple of years ago, I would have closed the browser. To me, relationships were all about closeness. Space was almost a dirty word — one that’s usually used right before a breakup: “I need some space right now, so maybe we should stop seeing each other for a while.”

But now I realise that personal space is as important for our relationships as air is for our bodies.

We all need time to relax, to engage in activities that we enjoy outside common interests and to associate with other important people in our life. Space is also absolutely essential for individual growth and personal development.

But perhaps the best part of personal space is that it reignites the magic in a relationship. Interactions between you and your partner become much more interesting.

You are genuinely excited to see each other after a little time apart. Something in the air feels like those early dating days. Suddenly, you can really feel the love and not just the attachment.

We all know that relationships are complicated. However, they are also the most rewarding and worthwhile parts of our lives. They are well worth the effort they invariable require.

It isn’t always easy to tell your partner that you need more space — whether that’s an evening alone, a vacation with your girlfriends, a room of your own or simply permission to make a decision without his/her input. On the flip side, it can be just as hard to give space when your partner asks for it.

Think of it as a long-term investment. When space is taken out of the equation, all that remains is commitment. Are you willing to settle for a relationship devoid of passion and excitement? Few of us are. The good news is we don’t have to settle!

Take the chance, for both yourself and your partner. Give each other room to be unique individuals who bring different things to the relationship.

Give each other permission to enjoy this gift of life not only together, but also separately. Give each other some space, and you will be rewarded with a love that’s more passionate, more powerful, and more deeply, intensely alive.

I only see my partner once/twice a week due to work commitments and giving each other space to do things, we have been dating for a year, together officially 5 months and it feels so fresh. When we do see each other it is the most magical moment and we appreciate the time together more. But for the love of God, please don’t ever become one of those couples who is so self-reliant on their partner that they forget how awesome it is having ones own space and seeing their friends. Date nights are also important in a relationship but I will touch on this with another blog post.

Anyway for now, Peace, Love and Gin xoxo

Boundaries in relationships

Healthy boundaries in relationships are highly recommended and are an essential part of effective communication in couples.

Healthy boundaries allow a person to assert and maintain their sense of self while also engaging at an intimate level with the other. Unhealthy boundaries on the other hand can feel invasive, can be damaging to the self-esteem, can give rise to feelings like resentment and anger.

Examples of boundaries in relationships

Some examples of healthy boundaries:

  • Having friendships outside the relationship
  • Who pays what bills
  • Agreeing the kind of sex life you want
  • Having “Me time”
  • The right to privacy
  • Don’t bring up past relationships – The past is in the past

Some examples of unhealthy boundaries:

  • Inability to give space
  • Not being able to share your thoughts and opinions
  • Not taking responsibility for your needs
  • Causing arguments for the sake of it

People lack boundaries because they have a high level of neediness (or in psych terms, codependence). People who are needy or codependent have a desperate need for love and affection from others. To receive this love and affection, they sacrifice their identity and remove their boundaries.

Boundaries play an important role in telling someone how you want to be treated in a relationship and prevent you from getting used. This is why communication of what you want needs to be clear. Whether explicit or implicit, boundaries should be clear between partners.

For a healthier and happier relationship follow these simple steps:

  1. Know yourself
  2. Take responsibility for your needs and have some time
  3. Don’t spend every day with each other – It is not healthy
  4. See YOUR friends
  5. Communicate
  6. Listen and respect each other